How to deal with toxic family

@helloAvocado4070

Hi,

I know exactely what your up against. My family runs on a theory that they are victoms very often when they constantly try to explain situation upon situation. Im talking about my mother, 2 sisters, and brother. I used to always be their go-to problem solver. They manipulated me for decades and i took on the role to try to guide them, fix the situations they got themselves into, and hold all holidays in my home to keep up a good traditional feel. The chaos just increased and the lack of logic became quite apparent to me. Sister sleeps with other sister husband, brother sleeps with my wife, mom lies to cause problems to her enemies, and on and on. So i started to carefully explain to each of them better ways to try to avoid those problems. It was many years of my ever-so-careful choosing my words because when-ever any attempt to explain anything to them made them start to even take any responsibilities or because of their ways of thinking, they would lash out. I thought for years that their mental illnesses needed special care in my choices of wording, but began to suspect they were much smater than they let on. When ever they were called out for anything theyve done wrong, their manipulations of the truth became more and more apparent. I never was aggressive in my attempts to help, and i was never loud or demanding; but the would act so badly in an attempt to change the subjects, or put insane spins on the truth. One by one, i had to cut ties with each of them because it became clear to me just how evil and manipulative they were. The stories i could tell you would amaze all of you. The extent of their underhandedness towards others, including things i finally figured out they did to me are just incredibally unethical, and cruel. The betrayals to eachother and to me were down-right criminal in nature. Once I realized that the mother i once thought was the poor victom of so much misfortune; was actually the main cause of pain for so many people. She was like the evil puppet master of playing with peoples lives. Now I can clearly see plainly what she was doing to just about everybody she has contact with. Fighting with the Minister neighbor of hers was the reason i started to notice how wrong she was, and her false accusations she made in court about another person opened my eyes even more. So much grimey manipulation, aggitation, aggrivation, instagation, and gossiping she does daily convinced me to just stop all contact. Im not sure your family is nearly as.bad but i understand how it can take years to see things how they really are. I know how much it hurts to have a new awareness that leads you to make the hard choice and detatch from your own family because you need to avoid the drama.

If you become aware as I did

RUN. RUN. RUN. AND DONT LOOK BACK!

@helloAvocado4070

1. Tell them calmly, eventually in writing if they are never calm to listen to you how they affect you having a normal life.

2. Tell them to authorities and by tgat I include school. Tell your school master or cobselor tgat your home environment is toxic and degrading your mental well being.

3. Tell friends, tell acuaintances, tell everyone... Isolating yourself will only give them the upper hand to call you abnormal...

4. Find as many opportunities to stay away from them. Stay at friends, go on trips, parks anywhere away from them and with other people that appreciate you...

I am sorry you are going through this, I know by my own experience...