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How should I deal with my anxiety from an authoritarian mother?

ading2 February 8th, 2022

I was currently staying at home alone with my parents. My younger sister was out to college, which gave my parents (e.g. my mother) an ample chance to watch over me.

My issues with my mom started ever since COVID-19 overwhelmed the world back in early 2020. At first, they were so small, but as the year progresses into 2021, it gets even worse.

Here is a list of things mom has done which left me feeling anxious, stressed and of course, depressed:

-She sets many demands that I have to follow or live up to. These demands include waking up or going to bed regularly, being more productive and communicative, cutting down on making mistakes and changing my present behaviours.

-She sets many strict rules like keeping my room, bathroom and closet, closing containers, doors, cabinets, and lights when not in use, no watching scary stories that involve death, rituals and or violence, always preparing routes, documents and other needs to bring when heading somewhere, no eating too much fatty and or sugary foods, and no taking naps.

-She would often punish me each time she catches me breaking her rules or making mistakes. These punishments include having my cellphone taken away, not being rewarded her delicious meals, being ordered to work downstairs under her supervision, turning off our home's internet, disabling my phone's internet service provider, and even worse, kicking me out of her house, especially by means of calling the police. If this wasn't enough I even heard she was planning to install surveillance cameras at some point.

-She shows little care and does not acknowledge my emotional repercussions from her overbearing habits like talking for more than 30 minutes, or mentioning too much information, be it new, trivial or recurring. All she cares on the other hand was getting today's work done.

-She says many shameful phrases like "You're hopeless!" "You're stupid!" "You're wasting yourself!" "If you leave me like this, you'll regret it sooner or later!" "I'll change when you change!" "Don't give me that face!"

-She even gives unsolicited advice like "Get used to it." "Respect me!" "Be Thankful!" "Use Your Brain!" "Ask!" etc.

-She keeps mentioning the same stuff over and over again, even at one point constantly suggesting I should leave if things never work out.

-She constantly compares me to my friends, my sister, some role models like the late Kobe Bryant, James Gardner, Lang Lang, and even my past high school self. She tries to claim she was helping, but her actions show otherwise.

-Of all these things, she has a motive; she was worried that my current attitudes and behaviors would place a negative impact on my health, my relationships, my working environment, my own well-being, my finances and even my future.

I know I have so much more to say about my mom, but this list covers everything on why is my mom acting so authoritarian which gave me lots of stress. If anyone has some ideas on how could I deal with a mom like this, please comment down.

1
WarmLightXO February 28th, 2022

@ading2

Hi friend. Thanks for sharing this ❤

That does sound super stressful, your response is completely valid to such an overbearing relationship.

I don't have any advice, but I can tell you this: You are priceless. You are irreplaceable. You are a one-off, there will never be another chance for there to be a you, you are good enough.

I truly hope your stress and pain ease soon. Sending warmth 💜🌿