Hopeless

I try so hard to be hopeful, to see the light in a situation. But my skies have gotten so gray, and my road just stretches on forever.

broken

i am broken

the shattered fragments of reality

are strewn across my mind

shoved haphazardly into the corner

with my confidence

my pride

and my heart

dying

i am dying

the world is so dull

and colorless

like the brightness seeped out

long ago

by my wet tears

and the rain i disguised them with

lost

i am lost

i search for myself

on my endless road

i fell apart once

and the pieces of me

were too mutilated to fit back together

scared

i am scared

every time someone calls my name

frozen where i stand

shaking with the motion of an earthquake

only i can feel

while everyone is watching

silent

i am silent

it is a weight i drag

shackled to my ankles

i swallowed the key to unlocking it

and i meant to do it

trapped

i am trapped

locked up inside my own head

forced to watch

as i drown myself in mistakes and self-loathing

unable to stop any of it

hateful

i am hateful

i keep a box

full of words thrown at me

accidental and purposeful

i open it every day

i look inside

at all the ways people hate me

and they mold with my own

until i cannot tell

what was planted in my mind

and what i came up with on my own

any advice on how to feel better? I can't seem to convince myself that i'm going to be okay. I wrote some encouraging poems earlier but my hope has run out.