Help with my social paranoia
I haven't always been like this. It all started when I entered high school.
I sencerily feel like most people don't fancy me. I see it from their reactions towards me.I wouldnt have problem if they do, if I knew the reason exactly why. I wouldn't have problem if I knew that I'm a piece of human trash, and arrogant selfish bastard, myself. Then everything would be clear to me. But I'm not. I dont do or tell bad things to people, I'm not arrogant, I'm actually very shy, artistic, used to cry a lot when I was younger but grow out of it, quiet (and scared), but very kind. People that know me would say the same.
However ever since I started high school, people have turned their back to me (even some people I knew). They started rumors, trash talk, and all that stuff, and I seriously thought I was dreaming. I couldn't believe, I never experienced such treatment from anyone before. I felt like I didnt deserve it at all. I isolated myself completely, dont upload my picture, my talents, because I'm scared of people's judgement. I even fear that someone will talk shit about me to new people I didnt even meet. I turned to my good friend from high school and asked her to sencerily tell me if I am a hateable person. And she told me that I'm not, which I think too.
But all this just made me question myself a lot, I am not at peace with myself, I am under tension when I think about my class, I feel something is wrong with me but I'm too blind to see, my self-esteem is lower than ever.
The only thing that keeps me from completely hating myself is when I look at my younger self and how she was and how she behaved at the time. It rassures me that I'm not that bad.
I really need help... so if someone has any suggestions on what to do, what's wrong, assumptions, it would be of big help really.
@Dreamxcatcher High school is the worst. Honestly my best advice is to find a small group that you click with, and try to ignore the others. Teens are horrible to each other. I honestly don't see how some of them lived with themselves after what they did. When I first entered this popular girl got jealous of me, so she got her bf to pretend to go out with me and try to dump me in a humiliating manner. It really bothered me, but I didn't show it at the time. I just laughed and waved my hand and walked off. So she tried harder. I finally ended up punching her, which I don't suggest you do, but I just went through with my head down until my mom pulled me and sent me to a homeschool program. I fit it much better at that place. There were still horrible people, but most of the people were like me, awkward, nerdy and goofy. If you have an option to try a homeschool program I strongly suggest it. If not, try your best to find that small group. They are there in public schools, but harder to find because they are going through something similar.
@PinkLily8991 It doesnt have to be though.... My friend from economy school has a great class, lovely people in it, so friendly and pleasant to talk to. Same city. Just different school. I hoped I would get into a decent class, I always thought of myself as a lucky girl. My elementary school experience was the best, and I hoped my life will continue going into that direction so I didnt even worry before I started high school. But I can't get over how unlucky and a bummerthis situation is. Totally different story it is today.
@Dreamxcatcher
I had something similar happen part way into school a number of times. I think it was both due to not having a solid grasp of the scocial norms in friendship maintenance or things like showing up unannounced which can get on everyone's nerves even if the person is well liked. Grade 8 was hell though cause of rumors and mean people making me the butt of many jokes just because I was the known easy target. Eventually I realized mean people's opinions don't matter. It did take a while to recover confidence again. It helps me to remember that everyone feels self concious around new people and everyone has the same fears...just some are more empathetic toward others feelings.
Oh in case you haven't noticed it there's a guide on Bullying in the guides on path menu.
