Feels like my life consists of grounding

Lately I've been getting this weird new type of anxiety, and I'm experiencing it a like a higher frequwncy to my usual anxiety, and with no irl supports atm, it's getting increasingly hard to just breathe through each moment.

I'm not gonna get hugely into it because a, i dont want to trigger anyone reading and b, i dont want to trigger myself into another episode. But just a bit to explain what's going on - I've been getting this terrible anxiety stemming from overthinking on the fun existential stuff. I would explain more but I can feel myself getting hot already and thats my first sign of an episode coming on so you can fill in those blanks.

I fost noticed thos was more of an ossue than my existing anxiety when thinking about it caused an episode of heat spreading from my stomach/back, uncontrollable big trembling in my legs, and a complete inability to be dostracted evenfor a second. I was so hot that i stripped off most of my clothes and covers, and once i finally got to sleep, i woke up later shivering because it was actually a really cold night and i had nothing on. It scared me because like, here i am stripped bare on a freezing cold night because my anxiety caused me to get that hot. And I'd never had such potent physical symptoms before.

But it's just been getting worse again lately and it's becoming to the point where i cant go a day without thinking of it. It used to be sparse, this terrible fear that came over me, and left, tucked away in my mind till it resurfaced. But the last few weeks, its been at the very surface, waiting for the simplest thought to spiral me back down. And I've been feeling almost, like out of touch with reality. These thoights make me wuestion every inch of reality and who and what and where i am, amd will be. So its been habing effect on like, my sense of self in a physical manner. I feel disconnected, I'm finding myself using grounding techniques so frequently now. The last few days especially have felt like a crash course in self grounding as i strugglw to stay present, or to allay my thoughts enough to sleep. And it helps sometimes. I found that showering especially helps. I can focus on the tile, or she soap under my fingers, and i can change the temperature of the water as i need to.

But I've felt so disconnected lately that i feel more shell than human, grounding myself multiple times a day and it feels like all i do is grounding. Its only been the last couple days, when ive been alone with my thoughts, no school to occupy my day. And im working out what makes it worse or better. I found that opening my sindow helps, as the background noise can help anchor me in, same with opening my bedroom door to hear my siblings fighting. Being alone and unstimulated worsens kt. I need to be always on the go, always doing something so its harder to go into my spiral. But sometimes, i do all this and the thoughts srill creep in. So,etimes every grounding technique i know does nothing. Sometimes i think that wow im feeling quite with it today, which then oulls me into my thought.

I need to stop my brain. I need to shut off my thoughts. I need to live my life without obsessing over the how and why and when and whats next. I just want to be blissfully ignorant again

Forgive any typoes i wrote this at 10pm on my tablet