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Fear or death

RuisleipaMies July 3rd, 2020
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I've had panic and anxiety disorder earlier and after that a (pure) OCD appeared. It has been consuming to try to accept all the weird and scary thoughts going through my head instead of fighting them. I'm often afraid of going completely "mental" and getting locked up somewhere. So far nothing has hinted that I would, though.

Now my anxiety is coming back. Everything in my life seems to going super well right now - got accepted to an university, now at my dream summer job - and that's what frightens me. Or more specifically, losing all that frightens me. Especially at nights I roll around my bed, paying close attention to my bodily feelings and every distinct heartbeat as well as those I can't feel scares me and makes me move or sit up to "get my heart beating again". You can imagine how difficult this can make falling asleep. I'm afraid that if I fall asleep, I die. But as my symptoms aren't serious, seeking medical care at 2am isn't an option. I believe in God. At least I try my best to and I want to live to help other people, because I truly care. But my faith seems not to ne strong enough to combat the doubt of anxiety (and OCD). I tell myself to just trust God to let me survive the night, but immediately my mind feeds me the thought "What if He doesn't exist? What if I trust now and that will a fatal mistake?". My faith still gives me hope and motivation to be a better person. Can someone offer some helpful thoughts? 😣

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Eugen555 July 3rd, 2020
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@RuisleipaMies

Hi there - hope you are well. Dealing with the idea of death can be hard - I'm actually going though the same thing now too. I've downloaded the 7 cups app to try to get help on how to deal with this anxiety. I class myself as a Christian so I believe in God and an afterlife. Like yourself, sometimes when I'm trying to go to sleep I have a lot of doubt in my mind. It's scary to think what if once we die nothing happens. There are so many theories in this world, no one truly knows the answe to this question.

I keep trying to read and watch videos about afterlife in hope to settle my anxiety. I've come across a lot of content that helps put my mind at ease like people having near death experiences and being able to shortly be in the afterworld and meeting God and other people that have died in their life. It also take conferting that some of the greatest mind believe in God like doctors, philosophers and to some extent even Einstein. The human consciousness is a mistress thing that has batheled many scientists. I think that our consciousness has the ability to live without a human body. There have been research showing that people who have been dead for 8 minutes and brought back to life have lived on. This to me shows that we don't need our body to be eternal.

It's very difficult thinking about this subject - I'm at the stage where I'm trying to accept it and move on. I think death will always be a mistory and all we can do is have faith.

serenebirb July 11th, 2020
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@Eugen555

dude, im going through the same exact thing right now, you have no idea how comforting it is to hear someone else feel the same as i do. ive also been doing research into afterlife and people who have had near-death experiences. its really hard as a christian when you are split between your faith and doubt but im working on acceptance, proof, just, believing. its super scary and ive been having a really hard time just existing lately because of it but as ive been told my mother and many others, we're just spiritual beings living a human experience. i wish you luck and i hope you find some peace with your anxiety

faithlove1111 July 8th, 2020
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@RuisleipaMies I enjoyed listening to these videos and they helped me. hope they are beneficial to you too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTFDfR47dl4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71yjXgUpLWw

sensitiveLychee8245 July 9th, 2020
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@RuisleipaMies I'm sorry you're going through this right now and I can understand because I've been having the same strange fears of death while going to sleep. One of the things that have helped me to actually get decent sleep is listening to sleep meditation music, you can YouTube "Spirit Tribe Awakening" or "Woke Nation" and they have different frequencies of music to address different things. I usually drift off to sleep rather quickly instead of restlessly tossing and turning. I also would consider seeing a medical doctor considering how excessive your symptoms are, but just don't let them push excessive pharmaceutical on you either, hence why I suggest trying the alternative routes first. I hope this helps in some way and that you get the rest you need, there is help out there.