Fearful Avoidant; how to cope?
I am in a relationship. We are sexually compatible, we make each other laugh, we have similar hobbies, and he’s extremely sweet to me. But my fearful avoidant style is making it extremely hard for me. At times, I want to pull in close, more often, I want to be single again and run away, as I feel smothered. It’s an overwhelming feeling of anxiety that makes me feel almost grossed out by him, occasionally. Sometimes I think he’s so cute and I would love to be with him forever. These switches in my feelings are difficult to manage, and I don’t know what I feel half the time, and I’d like to know how I can work on it or at least manage it.
@jvpijvpi Hi! I hope this message finds you well. I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble navigating your feelings with your relationship right now. Have you talked to him about how you are feeling? I know that it can be something difficult to talk about. I have attached some resources below that could be helpful! Please know that we are always here for you and you can reach out to a Listener anytime! ❤️
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fearful-avoidant-attachment
https://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Fearful-Avoidant-Attachment-Style
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-fearful-avoidant-attachment-style-affects-your-sex-life
@jvpijvpi Hi, I'm also FA. For me, setting boundaries around having more space and breathing room in the relationship is very important, whether that means having Sundays for alone time or something idk.
@jvpijvpi it sounds like your fearful-avoidant attachment style is making it difficult to fully settle into your relationship, which is completely understandable. the push-pull dynamic you’re experiencing—wanting closeness but also feeling overwhelmed—is common with this attachment style, and it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. a good first step is recognizing these patterns and trying to separate anxiety from your true feelings. when you feel the urge to pull away, grounding techniques like journaling or deep breathing can help you process your emotions before making any decisions. communicating openly with your partner about your need for space in a way that reassures both of you can also be helpful. therapy or self-reflection through books on attachment styles might give you more tools to manage these feelings. instead of focusing on whether you should stay or leave, try to give yourself grace and take things one step at a time—you’re not alone in this, and with time, you can learn to navigate these emotions in a way that feels healthier and more balanced.