Everyday, I always feel like I'm punished by God and I want it to stol

TW *Anxiety, pain, fear of religion,*

So I haven't told most of you for the past year or so, I have given my Christian faith, because it doesn't suit my ideals in life like creativity and risk taking, but everyday since then, certain things come to really haunt me as an result, things I really hate like failure, dogs barking, constant freezing of my apps, such all come back to haunt me, this all had really gotten to the point that I mentally believed that God was responsible for my excessive pain and frustrations because he's a angry with me for no reason at all, and my family would scold me for blaming God for my issues and refused to believe me, it has been going on for a year or so now, sorry if I discussed this in a nerving detail but yeah, I just want to escape his cruel pain that is brought onto me