Emotional issues with anxiety and neediness. Advice would be appreciated
I just want to get this out and I although I don't like posting my feelings online (and this is my first time doing so) i just really need advice right now since I'm confused, anxious and my emotions are all over the place and I cant really find much people to talk about it with.
This will sound stupid but how I'm feeling right now is because of a crush. I've been feeling strong emotions towards my crush for a few months now, but how I feel towards this certain person has gotten way out of hand.
To make this short, I confessed to my crush and he admitted that he liked me back too. Of course, since we both have major exams coming up, we came to the conclusion that we would continue to have our convos and act the same way we would act and see if how we feel towards each other continues to "blossom". We didn't want to start a relationship so soon since we have known and have had feelings for each other for four months, plus with studying and various other stuff, a relationship wouldnt be the best idea at the moment.
Though, he says we can 'test the waters', like flirting or whatnot and just take baby steps with this whole thing. So for the next few weeks up to now, we would have regular convos, just talk about our day, talk about our interests and etc. He has told me he genuinely likes me and has stated that if things work out in the next few months after our exams he would take me out.
But, that's not my problem . Despite him saying he likes me and he has already stated he wants to take me out a few times, I somehow keep thinking hes losing interest for me.
You see, we dont see each other often. We used to see each other at certain classes we would attend over the weekend in preparation for those exams but after 2 months he stopped coming (for certain reasons I dont know) and before he left be asked me for my number so I gave him. And so thats how we kept in contact.
We go to different schools and due to this, we dont see each other often. It's mostly text. He texts me and I text him and our convos are usually nice, might I say, nicer than some of the convos I have with my friends (they usually leave me hanging at 'lol' , 'yh', 'kl' or just leave me on read or just say 'smile'). But the thing is, he usually takes long to read my text (at least that's what I think). Sometimes he would take about 2-3 days to answer my text and it would just eat me up inside. Why? I dont know. I know he has a busy life and nothing revolves around me or anyone in that matter, but I just feel uneasy when hours pass and he doesnt respond. Weeks ago before I confessed, I kept getting sad when he didnt respond to my texts and cried at many moments and was unable to get some work done because all that was on my mind was him!
There would be some moments where I would send some texts and he would read them and leave them on read for up to 1-3 days. Sometimes he would be online for a short time and not respond. I would start to overthink stuff like 'did I say something wrong?' 'Do I respond to him? Or would it make me seem more clingy than I already am?' 'Does he even like me still? I'm pretty sure there are better girls at his school that he would like other than me'
' Should I just wait until he responds?'
And so I wait..
And wait and wait and continue to think negative things about this situation when really, there are plausible explanations as to why he hasnt answered me...
There was a point where he left me on read for 2 days and I decided to text one message asking him If he was good. The message didnt go through..
I started panicking, thinking that his phone got lost, someone stole it, he changed his number and etc etc. I kept thinking 'oh no how will I speak to him again? He might not even remember my number to ever contact me again, what If I get a text a few days later with him texting suspiciously? what if the person that stole the phone is impersonating him and is gaining info about me to put me in danger?'
Crazy stuff like that I thought...
Lo and behold later that day......... he said his wifi went out...
I spent a whole day worrying for no reason. No matter what I researched, no matter how many times I told myself it's gonna be okay, I kept thinking it was gonna be the end.
(Heck, i even told a listener about how I was feeling about this, but after a week, no response from the listener, not even a reply to say that they are busy. So I just deleted the conversation, thinking that I'm wasting their time with this and just kept what I felt inside hoping for the best)
I keep thinking I'm going to mess this whole thing up.
This is the first time someone has reciprocated my feelings and I cant help but think it's all going to end up in flames and I'm going to end up heartbroken and miserable. I have tests now (not the major exams but still important) as well as a group assignment due next week. I started studying for the test and I have started the assignment but I cannot concentrate because all I think about is HIM HIM HIM. Will he answer? Does he think I'm annoying? Should I give him some space? That's all that is on my mind and it's just making me feel irritated and confused.
I want to focus on my schoolwork and also juggle a developing relationship. I don't want to tell him how I feel about this to drive him away or for me to even stop text him because that will just make me feel worse and even more miserable. I like texting him, I feel like I can be myself and like what I like around him (we found out we have similar interests when we would meet in real life and get to know each other) but i feel like I'm driving him away, and that I'm becoming that weird person that stalks their crush. Sometimes I would check if hes online. And when he is, and he doenst respond to me, my heart would sink a little and I would think that he doesnt like me and wouldnt want to talk to me. He clearly is able to handle his feelings for me while I think about him 24/7. I've read up many posts about needy people and I know I am one, but i want to try and fix that so that i can concentrate on the important things at hand (schoolwork). But how do I do that?
I dont want to limit the amount of times we talk (since we usually talk spontaneously during the week, maybe 1 or 2 times a week if it's not a holiday) but I don't want to come across as needy or a person that constantly wants his attention. I know he needs his space and he wants to talk to his friends and get various stuff done, but I just wish he would just answer my texts soon enough instead of leaving me on read or not answering at all and leaving me in suspense(as selfish as it sounds).
If anyone has any advice they would like to give I would really appreciate it. I cant really talk about this to my friends because I fear they MAY talk about me behind my back and say stuff like 'she shouldn't be acting like this over a guy' or 'just stop thinking about him, he isnt soo important..'
It isnt that simple though...
But yes. Any thoughts and or advice would be appreciated. Have a good day/night ^^
~I apologize for any grammatical errors.
@sensitiveBranch5037
It's good that we can express our innermost feelings in this way, just getting it out can bring a lot of relief. The thing to recognise is that these kind of feelings are usually an outward symptom of a wrong belief that we have about ourselves. You sound as though you have a lot of insecurity about who you are as a person and this can make us look at other people as though they can solve all of our innermost insecurities. It seems like you are recognising this and you reaching out for help which is a great place to start. Continue to be honest with yourself and talking about how you feel because your emotions are valid and getting to understand oursleves better is always a good thing. Maybe you can find ways that help you to relax and to let go of the stress of trying to work it all out. Once we can let go of striving to work out those things over which we have no control, ie other people, then we can start on a path that will bring healing and freedom to our own spirit. You are doing great, keep going.
@HeatherEgypt this is so true.
@HeatherEgypt
Thank you for the reply!
Yeah, it's a relief to me to get this out because it's been bugging me for a month and a few days now. I do have an insecurity problem. I usually try to be more confident or social when talking to other people, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. Though, I'll see into ways on how I can be less insecure, since I really want to come across as a confident person butvits just hard.
Also, i want to add that there was a moment when me and my crush still met irl and we didnt confess yet and he asked me if I was depressed. I think he asked me because I would frown or stare off into space when I was thinking about stuff (sometimes stuff bothering me or just regular stuff) and so I'm wondering it's a bad that be recognized that.
I wouldnt say I'm depressed, I dont usually feel 'numb' or hopeless about life. I'm usually sad quite a lot but I have reasons for it. Advice is appreciated
Thank you soo much in advance.
@sensitiveBranch5037
Hello! I'm going to reach back in my history, years and years and years ago to when I was in college. My clingy, needy behavior drove my boyfriend away. It was a horrible time in my life. I felt that he shouldn't go out anywhere without me. I'd get mad if he did. We'd fight. He'd resent me. And then he left.
I didn't value myself enough and have enough confidence in myself at the time to be a loving but independent person in our relationship. And I was immature, too. And it really ruined things. Luckily I learned from it and was able to change how I was in relationships going forward (which made me much happier).
I see this "neediness" thing happening with my son and his girlfriend. She's clingy and needy. He wants to spend time with his friends. He has work. He has school. And she doesn't like it when he wants to do other things. She wants all of his time. And I can tell you this, it's starting to annoy him. He's trying to be nice and accomodating, but he's getting very irritated by it, and eventually, if she doesn't back off, he'll break it off.
I know it's hard. I know you want to be with him and talk to him and you want him to respond immediately - because that's what you would do, But he's a guy, and guys just don't do that. Give him some breathing space, focus on your school work, and if this relationship is going to happen - it will happen. You can't force it.
@thoughtfulmomma
It's cool to see this from a parent's perspective. I would tell my parent about this issue and ask them for advice, but I'm afraid If I do they would start monitoring my convos (since this is the only guy I talk to, I mostly have female friends) which I find as a HUGE invasion of privacy and my parent is more of an 'overprotective' type and if they find out, then I'm pretty sure they would overreact or whatnot.
But anyways, yeah, I'll have to chill on the neediness since it can be really uncalled for and can put a stress on the relationship, especially for guy since they are mostly individuals that crave for 'freedom'' and would like their space. And you're right, if anything happens, it happens, but I just hope he still likes me and would continue to be with me and see if our relationship could progress to anything more.
Thank you soo much for your reply :)