Anxiety, previous self harm and relationships
Hello everyone, I'm looking for a bit of support/advice
I'm in my mid-twenties and a few years ago I had bad anxiety (mislabelled at the time as depression) and also was addicted to self harm. There was a period of time where I felt this way for weeks on end and was self medicating with alcohol and self-harming regularly. About three years ago I met my previous girlfriend, and it resulted in quite a toxic relationship as a result of my behaviour and mental health, and also hers.
We broke up and I moved into my own flat by myself. This was perhaps not ideal as I was far away from my family and friends. But regardless I worked on my mental health, I had a job and I felt in an okay place. I was not happy but I was not awful as I had been previously. It got to a point where I reduced my selfharming behaviour and down to one every 2/3 months. I was having anxiety attacked about once a month so this had also reduced greatly.
I then moved back to home and moved in with my parents, who have always been a safety blanket to me. Unfortunatly they affect me badly in other ways, it is difficult to maintain my independance and my mother requires quite a lot of looking out for which she pushes onto me when I am around. So this is bad for the anxiety, but due to my knowledge and the safety of my home, the self-harm stopped completely.
A few months ago I met my current girlfriend who is very understanding and who I am very happy with. Two weeks ago I moved out of my parents and as a result lost the "home" safety blanket. As a result I've had several anxiety attacks and the urge to self harm has come back. My girlfriend (who also has anxiety) has said she is there to support me, but I cannot rely on her too heavily as this impacts her mental health. If I am having an episode then this negatively impacts her. Up until this point this hasn't been an issue as we have been very happy - we have amazing days out, we get on really well, and I can really see a future with her (if it wasn't for this mental health problem).
I need to find other coping mechanisms for this, and ways to sooth myself and looking for advice in this.
a) I don't like to be alone as this is previously when I self harmed so I am afraid to leave the room which makes this worse as I also trigger my girlfriends anxiety.
b) I don't want to loose my independance and move back to my parents again.
c) I am determined to face this head on and deal with this I just need some coping techniques going forward that fit in with my life and that are not destructive to me or the people around me. I don't want to be reliant on other people.
Please help :(
One thing I'd suggest is making it a point to do a specific (harmless) thing when you get the urge to self harm. It shouldn't be something too difficult that requires tons of motivation, but it shouldn't be passive like watching TV either, because you'll find yourself ignoring it. But something active and cathartic. Go outside and run around the block, punch a punching bag, write out your thoughts in huge words with a marker. Sometimes it is easier to find a simple way of getting out of your head, rather than trying to force yourself to "think good thoughts."
I think you should write down your thoughts and feelings which can be a powerful way to process emotions. Consider keeping a journal where you can express your feelings, track triggers, and reflect on your experiences.
@navyCake5369
I agree with Kyusu's and Julie's advice. Additionally, in desperate circumstances with bad mood swings and self-harm a really odd technique I've seen people talk about having success with is saying "This is embarrassing" aloud, imagining genuinely deadpan casually explaining what you're doing and your thought process to someone and them asking genuine casual questions like what you're doing is a normal thing to be doing. Also being tired of yourself the way people get with their young kids and go "Really? Like seriously this again? For what reason? :| " and just try to get yourself off your rhythm and out of your mind for just a moment. Be careful with this if you don't have the attitude that this would help and not hurt. I could see this hurting certain types of people but for some people, this can help so know yourself.
