Anxiety/ emotions took over; made mistakes, I will be on probation for rest of my life

My marriage crashed, due to me diving into a severe depression (good intentions to find a decent job, so my wife could quit her way to strenuous one and pursue her dream). Fully recovered from depression, I mentally crashed, woke up next day, it was gone. Then I realized what happened, and my wife told me that all the beautiful we had was destroyed. She doesn't really trust me, which I understand. She is emotionally not available, I understand. Yet I desperately have been trying to connect. I sent messages to a friend and a son of her (I know, I know). Feels like I'll be on probation for the rest of my life. Like, whenever I make a mistake my wife goes like "you see, I knew it". My wife agreed on counseling, she wants to start from scratch. Like, we are house mates, take it from there. Working hard on being more aware so my emotions don't take over. And I am very emotional , all that happened is rather fresh. Sometimes I'm just scared that I screw up again, that I haved no credit. That I was hoping that people would show more understanding.