Anxiety and relationship

Hi! I want to introduce my story short - I was bullied for 9 years at my primary school, my mother is literally bullied by my father. I used to selfharm, I fell into depression and anxiety, of course. My only friend (we knew each other for 8 or 9 years) left me alone because of her boyfriend. Sad. I felt really bad for several years and I totaly blocked the feeling of love.

Now, I have a boyfriend. We were really close friends, he used to help me with selfharming and he catched me everytime I fell, basically. And yes, I can say that I love him in some way. But on the other side, I feel anxious and frozen, when it comes to sweet moments like huging, kissing... Yeah and you know... The general quotes doesn't really matter here because I don't fit in a box labeled "normal people". I'm just stuck because I feel really happy with him and I can feel some love, but on the other hand... It causes me anxiety to be close to someone. Because what if this or what if that...? I think that you know that quiet voice in your head.

Have a nice day,

Mel