An Unwanted Visitor

Hi, I'm Lemonade. 

Goodness, I don't know where to start and by the time most will see this, the visitor will come and I'm just blah.

This specific visitor, I can't really explain who this is, but this is someone who comes now and again and they always come unannounced and frankly, it's petrifying. I know I will be safe and nothing will happen, it's just going to last an hour maximum but it's the anticipation, the waiting, the foreshadowing and the rumination. 

There have been times this visitor has come to my door and I've been in the house but I've made up excuses as to why I'm not answering the door. All I'll say is thank goodness for video doorbells because they've helped me be less paranoid about who is outside my door.

This specific visitor, always comes into the house and invades my privacy and then passes judgment on how the house looks, asks very personal questions and I feel uncomfortable with them but if I don't comply with their wishes then there is the consequence of them demanding more from me. 

It's taking a toll on me, it is, it's affecting my sleep, I can't relax, I can't just chill out, all I can think about is that I need to clean the house top to bottom, then I need to sort out my laundry, I need to start rehearsing in my head the possible conversations I need to make with that person to keep them happy but then I need to come up with possible situations I might face tomorrow when they come over.  

This isn't a quality of life, it isn't. It's just a waiting game for them to come over and they make it out like it's absolutely nothing and to be honest, it isn't, but my brain does this thing where it's constantly in survival mode until it's done and then I'll be exhausted, emotionally and physically. 

In about fifteen hours of sending this, it'll be done but it won't be over, it'll happen time and time again and there's nothing I can do to stop this from happening.