A bit crappy and annoyed
This whole week kind of sucks. My blood test appointment to see if I have high blood pressure was cancelled because of the virus. Then what I thought was my first day of therapy to help me relieve my anxiety was just a follow up to refer me to another insurance company to help me set up for therapy, which was no help because they said they were going to email me a list of provided therapist in my area but never did. So now my anxiety is spiking up again. I just want to get this over with and get my life back on track. Not to mention my city is currently on a lockdown too for the time being therefore it makes it harder for me to try to do stuff to get my mind off of things. My new workplace is still opened because we deliver stuff to people in this time of need. However my new boss said that I'm moving pretty slow for my beginner routes and it terrifies me because all I could think about is "Man, I might get fired if I don't pick up my pace." Work stress was the reason I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder a month ago, therefore I have random hits of panic attacks and crap because I tend to overthink everything. It's been a month and a half and I feel like my doctors haven't really tried to help me with my therapy stuff. On top of that, I was lied to that the flat rate for visiting the ER a month ago was 550, and then received a call a few days ago saying that I still owe 1200 for the visit because they gave me a whole but of exams and and IV bag that I never really asked for. I mean, I was uninsured for a while so they should've taken that into consideration before giving them out and charging me. So right now I am just sitting on my bed and writing this thread. I feel like when I need help the most, everything is coming down on me. I eventually have to help myself and do things myself because the people that are supposed to help me are too busy with everything else. I mean I don't blame them; it's crazy around the world right now. I blame myself for the actions I did a month and a half ago that made me this way today. I just want some help. I have done so many "at home" remedies and they aren't helping much anymore. It's time for the professional help.
@dxiong2 I by no means am professional help, but I applaud you for seeking help in this difficult time and being understanding to those that have lied to you about sending you certian things or overcharging you. And with this virus it may be harder to get help and even if they did help, sometimes it may feel like your doctors or the people who "should" care for you don't. Also, your at home remedies seem to not be helping much, which leaves you in a difficult situation.
I do not know what you have tried but I also have low grade of anxiety and tend to overthink a lot. And I do not blame myself for this anxiety and I hope you do not either; this society seems to foster anxiety through its stressful work, endless bills and tasks, and other anxious people. So I hope you realize you aren't alone, and I do not think there's a one time cure for it but it helps to delve into why you are anxious: is it because of your financial situation, are you afraid of disappointing your boss, etc? I do not know, but mine stems from wanting to be accepted, so I keep working for other's approvals but this just makes me anxious and depressed when I cannot.
A lot of sufferring comes from thoughts, our thoughts and fears about the future to thinking about the past, it's sort of difficult to be present nowadays but that is one of the key ways to calm down. At least for me, when I just become aware of my negative thoughts, I realize they are just thoughts and not truths. It's okay to be anxious, we all do at some points in our lives, but I hope we both can learn to quiet our minds through carving out time to be aware. You do not need to be sit and think of nothing, but we just simply need to focus on our job whether it's delivering you can enjoy the scenery or listen to music deeply. It's okay to overthink also because I still do, but we do not need to take our thoughts so seriously. Sure getting fired is a scary thought, but it's not very useful and if we do get fired, just know you will be okay. Okay i rambled for a little too long, but from your writing I just thought you seemed like a beautiful person as you did not have bitterness but were just eager to get better and I really hope you do. Maybe what I said is not helpful, but I hope you never give up hope as cringey as that sounds because you deserve to live a wonderful life.
Your emotions are totally valid! :) Thank you for sharing that with us.
Stay healthy and happy.
