Fear of making phone calls
I have to make phone calls. I KNOW I have to make phone calls. I'm terrified to make phone calls.
I have all KINDS of anxiety around the phone. I jump when it rings. I almost never answer it, because I don't know who's going to be on the other end. i don't know what they're going to say. I don't know what I need to say in response. People are really unpredictable. It scares the dickens out of me.
And if I call people, it's even worse, because I might be making THEM jump. And then they're ticked off because I interrupted whatever they're doing. And THEN they're going to yell at me and call me names.
And I know, I KNOW, that this is all irrational. I've made thousands of phone calls in my life. And the only time anybody's yelled at me because I called them was when I was a telemarketer. But that's kind of part of it - I AM calling to sell them something. So that makes it more likely they'll yell at me. But I'm really nice and I'm terrified of them! Maybe that'll help? I don't know. I don't know. I just know I'm terrified.
But I HAVE to figure out how to make phone calls. Help?
@FlamingosWearLipstick I can't stand the telemarketers! Hence, that's probably why you don't like making phone calls anymore .. people most likely treated you like crap, right? So now you have a fear of phone calls in general. When I was a kid, I used to be big. I was always that chunky girl in class and people would make fun of me, but eventually I got used to it and didn't give a crap anymore. I was happy. My senior year in high school I started to lose a lot of weight and by the time I was 20, I got down to a size 10. I became so terrified of what everyone thought of me, inside and out. Before, nobody paid attention to what the fat girl wore or how she did her hair or what makeup she wore or how much she paid for her purse or her shoes, etc. Eventually, I didn't know how to be myself anymore. Now, at 30 years old, I'm still learning to love myself, fat or skinny! The moral of my story is, don't stress so much what the other people think. That was your job .. nobody likes telemarketers or bill collecters! It wasn't you as a person or the phone, it was just the point of the phone call.
@TransAm85 If it helps you feel better, I'm going on 39 and still learning to love myself. So you're ahead of the game! I'm still trying to figure out who "myself" is so I can be it. Stressing what other people think has been what I do for more than 30 years. But looking at it as "this is the job" is helping some. Thank you lots!
@FlamingosWearLipstick Oh I don't like to still sense some sadness in a response to my response. Loving yourself is the most important before anything else. I used to put other people's opinions and judgement before my own because I was so self conscious and it did nothing but drag me down just b/c I wanted to be accepted. I screwed up college. I lost a few jobs. I messed up the relationship w/my grandma and grandpa b/c I stole some money and pain pills from them when I was like, 22 or 23. Time passes and everyone eventually grows up and friends separate to go live their own lives. I felt like a complete fool for following the crowd. Be yourself and if you meet someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are, well .. screw em! That's their loss!
@TransAm85 Not sadness, I promise! Just a little wistfulness. I'm making progress toward loving myself. I mostly like myself these days. Mostly. Physical health crap makes that a challenge. How can I love the physical part of me when it's causing such huge problems? I still want to be accepted and liked. It's hard to get past that. I screwed up college, too. Coming out of high school, I had a half-ride academic scholarship, and my parents covered the rest. I blew it in a manic episode, dropping out to move across the country to marry a guy I met online. I am able to say screw em! to a lot of people who try to rain on my parade. It's just a huge challenge when it's my parents and siblings.
@FlamingosWearLipstick Yes, the most painful criticism can be from our loved ones, regardless we know that they are not perfect either, we still care what they think. I understand that one! My father was never around and my mother wasn't much of one, but her opinions and criticism always hit the hardest. Health can be a burden as we get older especially if we were careless when we were young. I've smoked since I was 15 and I still do .. I'm 30 now .. I will probably start looking like I'm 60 when I am only 40 if I don't quit soon. I think dwelling on the past problems only causes more anxiety in the present. We have to embrace our faults and failures and move on. My theory now is that I'm glad I grew up in the 90's! :)
@FlamingosWearLipstick Being afraid to make phone calls is understandable. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this anxiety. Sometimes I practice before I make a phone call and that helps me focus a bit and not be as nervous. Answering the phone is also scary. My suggestion is to think of exactly what you're afraid will happen and then think of how you would deal with that worst case scenario. You'll probably be able to deal with things better than you give yourself credit for.
@magicalStrawberry88 It's funny, my business mentor once asked me "What's the worst thing that could happen if you fail? And what's the worst case if you succeed?" I started forecasting out into the future. Going "...and if THAT happens then THIS will happen, then if THAT THING happens then THIS THING will happen..." and on and on. The absolute worst case scenario in both instances was that I'd wind up involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital. So I told my mentor that. Her immediate response: "So if you're going to wind up committed either way, wouldn't it be more fun to succeed?"
In this case, the worst case is they're yelling and cussing and threatening me. And thanks to above commenters, I know I can hang up the phone. And since it's a line not connected to my address, that's it. I hung up. That's all. Thank you!!
@FlamingosWearLipstick Hooray! I'm glad you were able to hang up. :) I hope you're able to make calls with less fear now.
@FlamingosWearLipstick it sounds like you may have serious anxiety going on...it could be a form of agoraphobia (not wanting to leave the house for fear of interacting with others) have you seen a doctor or therapist for it or are you too afraid to do that,as you'd have to make a call?
@AWorldofPeaceandHope Agoraphobia's on my diagnosis list. Good call :) I've got a handful of anxiety-related disorders. My best friend helped me make the calls to get into therapy and on meds. It's an ongoing process. Fortunately, I like my doctor and love my therapist. They're still terror-inducing, but at least I know that once I get into their offices, I'll like them. :)
@FlamingosWearLipstick Thats good you are getting help.Are you saying this is your first time seeing a doctor or therapist? Or have you seen one before?I apolise,as i'mconfused by your response.
@AWorldofPeaceandHope I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11. I've been on and off psych medications since I was 18. When my anxiety gets really bad, I can't make ANY phone calls, which is why my best friend made the calls to the organization where my current psychiatrist and therapist work. I apologize for being unclear.
@FlamingosWearLipstick No need for apologies.I'm glad you are indeed seeing somefor help,however I wonder if you feel it is really helping you? As you sound as if you are really struggling? I also wonder if you have told your therapist and doctors everything?
Just because your phone rings doesn't mean you have to answer it. Your phone is for YOUR convenience not others. You can even keep your ringer turned off. If people call and leave you a voice mail you can reply back with a text. If questioned just smile and say "I only text." And you don't have to apologise about that. :-)