been a while

hello there! I haven't been here in a while. I was hoping i wouldn't have to come here again but here i am. Im not even sure if this is the right community to write in, its just so chaotic for me. There might be some triggering things to TW.

i was incredibly depressed two months ago so i was prescribed meds for schizo/bipolar and depression. The antidepressants are doing their job but i am quite paranoid and i still see things. This morning i had a panic attack, its like i was withdrawing from drugs (I've never been on drugs i just had the symptoms of it). I was shaking uncontrollably, drooling, i had tics and i was very much inadequate, heart palpitations and etc. I hadnt felt this way in a while. I am just scared that i am going insane, im afraid ill hurt myself, i feel alone and everything feels fake. I am at a dream like state 24/7. I have terrible intrusive thoughts that im so embarrassed of them i dont even wanna share them. I cant do anything.