Wish I didn't feel this way

Recently, I have begun a new relationship with my bf. I have been having constant panic attacks, insomnia, undersleeping and feeling hopeless. I'm on vacation from school while my bf is 2 hours away near my uni. I don't think he believes that I have anxiety or that it's an illness that affects my day to day. Especially while I'm at home I think his past trust issues makes him overthink my anxiety. I feel like I've given enough love and affection but I'm tired in my life. My life sucks rn especially since I have family problems, financial and mental health problems. I feel like I would be better off isolating myself from everyone bc I just wake up everyday to a same old routine. There's no joy just sameness that kills me up inside. I've tried to be happy but it temporarily helps since it all feels fake. Everyday I wake up thinking how I wish I didn't have anxiety or just do anything.