Should I Stay or Should I Go

Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing well! I’m struggling with something that’s causing a lot of anxiety, and I could really use an outside perspective. I’m just not sure what to do at all - I know what I want to do, but I just don’t know if I should. The more I think about it, the less I feel like I should go, but I know I’ll be so disappointed if I don’t.

TW: mention of politics, homophobic family

There’s a Pride event in a few days I wanted to go to. It’s in a new area I have never driven to by myself before. I live with my family, and they are not safe to come out to.

I really wanted to go to a Pride event this year. I’m graduating this year, and next summer I have no idea what my situation will look like, but I’ll probably be working full time as opposed to only part time, so I’ll have a lot less time than I do now. That, and without going into it, I’m very concerned about the potential political climate next year, and my hope is that this is just the anxiety, but I keep worrying that this may be my last chance to go.

However, my family is a little overprotective. I’m an adult, I’m in my 20s (22+) but they need me to let them know before I go for a drive, they need to know where I plan to go, and they need me to let them know when I arrive and when I leave. They use location tracking on my phone, so they can see where I am. I thought I disabled it, but usually they know when I do and ask me to turn it back on - they haven’t done this, so my concern is that they can still see my location. The other problem is that they wanted to go do something (that I really don’t enjoy but do anyway for them) that same evening as the Pride event, so they might just tell me I can’t go out, and I have no idea if they’re going to need me to help with stuff all day, or if I’ll have a chance to leave for a few hours.

I really, really don’t want to lie to them - I’m bad at lying, I’m super uncomfortable doing so, and if I lie about where I’m going and they find out, they’re going to be really upset. But they’re not safe to come out to, I already know they won’t want me driving to the area without one of them to show me where to go (it’s a nice area, it’s just that they don’t like me going to new places without someone with me), and I know I’m going to be super disappointed with myself if I don’t go. I know I can always ask, and if they say no, then at least I tried, but I would still have to potentially lie when they ask where I’m going, and if they say yes, I’m stuck lying, and if something happens, they’re going to find out. Being vague doesn’t really work, either - they just keep asking questions, and need specifics.

I just don’t know if it’s really a smart decision - writing all this out, it sounds better and safer to not go and hope I can try again next year. But then, I know I’m going to regret not going and I’m going to be so disappointed in myself, and I don’t know how to move on from that. There’s a lot I’ve missed out on because of my family being overprotective, not helped by my own anxiety, and I have a lot of resentment about it, and disappointments and regrets.

Does anyone have any thoughts, please?