Relationship anxiety
Hi so for a little bit of context I have been with my partner for almost 10 months now and usually everything is great. Lately they have been acting weird around me in public with friends but back to normal when we’re alone. I always say if there’s anything that’s bothering them or I did something that rubbed them the wrong way on accident to just let me know. Yesterday on a hike with friends they were acting distant from me but back to how we usually are at my house and I asked them if they were ok earlier and they said yes. My friends even brought it up today and said they were acting weird. Today at a party they are acting distant again and when I try to talk to them they just seem uninterested. We have mutual friends but they said they prefer hanging out with them without me because I’m their partner and they’re their friends so they have to switch. This made me feel not great because of course I let them talk to people and have their own friends I mean we have separate lives but couples can have the same friends and coexist without making people feel uncomfortable by pda. Sorry if this makes no sense I just am trying to understand my partners actions.
@reliableComputer9200
I think that there are a lot of possibilities here for you to explore. Here's a few thoughts, that may or may not be useful for you to consider.
It sounds like you wish your partner behaved differently towards you, when the both of you are out with friends.
It is great that you have an idea how you want to be treated by a partner in this context.
But it also sounds like your partner wants to behave in a different way.
So, you might need to think about your expectations. Are you expecting your partner to change to suit what you want? Are you willing to change to suit what they want?
Generally, it's thought to be unrealistic to expect someone else to change to suit ourselves. As the only person we have control over, is ourselves. So would you be willing to accept this person as they are?
This situation seems like it might be useful for identifying some core beliefs.
For example, you comment what your friends think about your partner's behaviour. Do you perhaps believe that a person should behave according to the general consensus, or should be true to their own beliefs and act the way they believe is right? Can you celebrate the way your partner is different, or will this be an issue to you?
You mention how your partner behaves differently when at home compared to when out with friends. Do you believe that someone should always behave in the same way regardless of context? Some people believe that this is being true to yourself. Others believe that it is appropriate to adapt to the situation. The classic example being at work, should we act like we are on a night out with friends, or should we act professionally?
Ultimately, it sounds like your partner wants to focus on his friends when out with his friends. Is this something you can accept? Maybe you can try it next time you go out? How does it go if you focus on yourself and relationships with other people for a couple of hours?
Of course it is fine to ask for what you want too. Maybe there is some compromise where you give a bit more space, and your partner gives a bit more attention? Communication, in particular, listening to the other person, is probably going to be key here.
Best of wishes. You have a challenging situation there, but where there are challenges, there's opportunities. I hope the opportunities turn out well for you.
