I'm done TW!!(cussing, mention of suicide)
My parents(my mother) went through my journals and saw how I didn't want to live anymore. So we had a talk about how they will help in any way they can, and that they are sorry if they made me feel like I can't talk to them...
The effort was sweet but it is not that simple. Some nice words, won't stop those thoughts. No matter how hard you try. My mom has intervened more when my brothers go too far with their "jokes". So that is nice, but I can't help but feel that there is no reason to keep going. I just feel empty, like a robot navigating through it all.
School is almost over, and I'm just trying to make it to the end. But it is really hard. I mean I have to deal with the fact that I have had my friends distant and some of them not really talking to me anymore. And that my partner and I are no longer together after 6 months of dating. Which hurts like a ***. I also can't forget the fact that my dad said that I am manipulative, I need someone to feel sympathy for me, and I'm a sneaky ***.
I will give him that, I was doing a sneaky *** thing. But goddam. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for reading my dumb rant.
@ElyseMyers12368
We have those moments in life when it feels like it's the perfect storm. Then we persevere, maybe with help of others, and look back, and we're glad we didn't give up. You can always stand up for yourself and ask for apology from the family members who hurt you. But it sounds you should apologize for some things too. Life is hard. Sending you strength and encouragements.
Hi Elyse. Let me share my story. I have been dealing with depression for over 20 years. My last battle was about 3 months ago and it hit me pretty hard so I decided to see a psychologist for the first time in about 7 years. It helped me a lot. He discussed how anxiety and depression actually work and he also suggested for me to read 2 books. The 10 Best Ever Anxiety Management Techniques and Feeling Good. They discuss not only coping skills but talk about how the brain works in regards to anxiety and depression. I really liked the books and I am still reading them. I am not a huge fitness guy but for the last 3 months or so I take a walk in my hilly neighborhood and I also jog a little bit to get my heart rate up. This helps me tremendously. I usually do it on my lunch break because I work close to home. I am also on an anti depressant which is 20 mg of Lexapro and when I go through my anxiety/depression episodes I will take Klonopin. There is hope and you will be ok. Trust me.
