I'm 14 and I dont think this is normal.
So I'm 14 years old and for the past.....idk 4 maybe 5 years I been having just so many different mental health problems. I've never been diagnosed with anything (other than borderline Autism and mild ADHD) but I just can't shake these constant and oppressive existential thoughts. I've been into science my entire life, ever since I was 3, but now all I think is about how much life just doesnt matter at all. Even this thread doesnt matter, it will be gone in under a month along with all your memories of it. Along with this I think I may have insomnia, never being able to sleep even in pitch black. I just end up staring at the ceiling for 5, 6 hours or more before the sun rises. I get bullied at my school (I'm a white british atheist in a 98% british Muslim school so I'm not exactly liked). In already having nostalgic thoughts at the age of 14, always remembering back when I didn't think that the world would be no different without me. These thoughts have been bombarding me for years and I just dont know what to do or if I'm the only one. Any advice?
@MysterSoup
Hey I remember I used to have these same feelings and sometimes they leave and come back but when these thoughts become too much I try to think that there is a reason for being there I might just not know it yet. Like you might not find a point in it but there might be if you let time tell you.
Tell me, do you have a passion?
I do. I quite like writing, drawing and watching various science videos. The only thing is, every time I begin a new project like a speculative evolution project or a new short story I always (and I mean always) give up on it after no more than a few days, a month at most. Demotivation is something I should've also mentioned. As well as social anxiety I guess because I have a really hard time talking to people i dont already know. I have a few online friends but i always begin thinking that I've messed up my so called friendship because i said something stupid. For example (not gonna name names) I was talking to a *** friend a few nights ago and said something that my regular small group of irl friends would think is funny but he instead thought it was a bit offensive. Now I feel just stupid for having ever said anything at all.
@MysterSoup
hey I get what you mean but you have to think about it like you are never going to please everyone so if you made a mistake apologize and move on and if they can’t move on, then that’s their problem you know. Also I love art and it’s hard for me to keep being motivated to do it because sometimes I can be stressed out. But even then I always go back to making art because it is how I cope. You can try making goals for yourself in those passions. ( you can talk to me whenever )
@MysterSoup I want to tell you that the thoughts that you think in it everybody thoughts in it also , but some people behave with them in the right way and others behave with them in the wrong way. First, in order to get rid of those thoughts, you must say to yourself that I was not created and I was not in this life except for a good reason, and who is the one who He created me in this life only because I have an important role in it, and because the balance of the world will not be complete without the presence of all its individuals. Therefore, I was not created in vain, and I was not in this life without a reason. Rather, there is an important reason for my existence in this life. Then you must begin your journey to find out that reason. I will tell you a little about myself. I encountered such ideas and dealt with them by learning about all religions. I read a lot about religions and began to read more and more to find answers to questions about: What is the reason for my existence? Praise be to God, I found the answers in the Islamic religion. I am not telling you to go and embrace the Islamic religion, but I advise you to go and read about all religions, and you will find the answers to your questions in all of those religions, but here comes the individual’s conviction in the most logical answers. For me, the answers of the Islamic religion were more convincing, so I embraced it and these thoughts started fade away little by little. Because of my experience, I notice that these thoughts will remain with you if you do not search for the answers yourself. From what you wrote, I notice that you love science and reading. Therefore, truly, by knowing religions in depth and by understanding all the scientific miracles mentioned in them, you will truly be certain which of them is correct. And I am really sorry that you are being bullied at school. I want to tell you that Muslims are really not like that. They really do not bully anyone because in our religion it is forbidden for us to bully anyone. Therefore, I want you to remind the Muslims who are with you in school that it is forbidden to bully, and if they continue to bully, know that they are not Never Muslims, because a Muslim does not bully anyone, regardless of their color, gender, religion, or race. Therefore, please tell them that what you are doing is wrong, and if they continue with what they are doing, you must move to another school, because these people are not truly Muslims, and they are, by their actions, distorting the image of Muslims, because truly, Muslims do not bully anyone.
Thanks. I do appreciate religion and while I'm pretty much certain I'm never going to become theist I do appreciate your input. I realize that the muslims at my school are just a bad apple sliver of the Muslim community and I have tried explaining how they are being hypocritical towards their own religion but they always end up calling me something like gora. My friends are ok but I do feel often a bit hurt by them. For example, though it does sound kinda stupid, my belief in evolution us somehow tied to my emotions so whenever one of them says something that insults that I just laugh it off when it actually made me feel bad. It sounds lame I know but this is anonymous so i dont care what anyone thinks on here.
@MysterSoup I am really glad that you know that the students in your school do not truly represent the Islamic community. The students in your school are hypocrites and they do not deserve to be called Muslims because their behavior does not indicate the behavior of a Muslim person at all. I really hope that you find a way to find relief from these ideas.
@MysterSoup You are here! Here on this earth! Now you are questioning if your presence matters. The fact that you exist is all you need to matter. Other humans may or may not give you attention that tells you that you matter, but do they matter? If so, who decides? A person or group that “matters”?
Damn. Thanks that actually makes a lot of sense. Now that I'm thinking about it is kinda cool. Idk. I guess I'm a bit of an existentialist. Because even if I didnt occur it still wouldn't matter. The universe is indifferent to everything, even itself. I think the best I can do is be indifferent just like everything. Indifferent to the universe, indifferent to myself, indifferent to this. Because after all, who cares? Not me. And I'm the only one in this mind. Everything else is external, in my brain I have all I need; thoughts. I just dont care anymore.
Hi M.S. hope you are having a better day. I’m 32 currently going threw so many emotions as well. Saw your post and remembered back to when I was 14. Such a hard time alone, aside from the culture you have found yourself to be in.
just know that life gets easier in some ways, but truth is, it’s the way we respond to the world. So easy to forget to love and nurture ourselves. Telling you to find a hobby that makes you happy is so cliche but those moment focused on something that brings you joy truly does make a difference.
I hope you can believe in energy, and know that there is a force out there that is willing to charge us up if we can believe we are worthy of it.
because you are WORTHY of happiness, confidence, love, respect. ❤️ be kind to yourself.