I feel hopless

@Kckay

I am really sorry. I am going through something similar right now. My ex fiance hit me with the "I love you but am not in love with you" and said they needed time to think after 5 years together. I haven't dared get onto social media because I don't want to know what they're doing and I don't want them to know what I am doing. Is there anything I can try to help you with? It's beyond hard when the grief hits.

@Kckay

This is what I've been doing (I know everyone is different but maybe it'll help and I'm so sorry it's so long);

I have been reading a lot of books that I wanted to catch up on.

Watching what I want to watch on tv.

Going for walks in the mornings (since that seems to be one of the times of day I am most anxious) and taking the two hours to get all 10,000 steps in for the day. I am watching what I eat and trying to lose weight that I gained from depression while I was with him. (constantly trying to guess how he felt about me because he was hot/cold, pulled away/loved me, put me last, suspicious behaviors, etc. drained me and made me feel terrible)

On nights when I'm anxious, I make sure to put on relaxing tv shows, podcasts, read, or come on to sites like this one to either talk to someone or try to help someone else. Some good podcasts are "Make Some Noise with Andrea Owen" and "Your Courageous Life" - Kate Swoboda.

I will also listen to music that fits my moods. Aggressive music sometimes when I am walking, easier music when I need to calm down/relax. There are tons of white noise and ASMR videos on YouTube that I will leave on when I'm anxious and trying to go to sleep. "WhispersRed" is one of my favorite ASMR artists and I listen to "Nemo's Dreamscapes" for white noise.

I have made lists on Amazon of new furniture, clothes, housewares I would like to have that reflect ME only (and my pet LOL).

I have done small things on my own (like grocery shopping for things I like, getting coffee at my local bakery and just sitting with my thoughts. I don't like being alone. I am trying to sit with my thoughts and become used to the noise of them. I am also trying to get used to the silence there is now, where he used to take up so much of the day.)

I have avoided things like checking his social media at all costs. I heard someone on *** say, "What the "dead" do is none of our business. Let them watch us from the "graveyard", and I really liked that. Mine and his relationship is dead. If he ever wants to know what I am up to, he will have to watch from the "graveyard" from now on.

In moments of pure, painful grief, I cry. I say what I want to, whether it be out loud "to him" or to myself.

I wrote a list of things he said and did to me over 5 years that I cried about to friends and in really bad moments where I miss him and it feels overwhelming and almost physically hurts, I read things off of that list out loud and remember how that all made me feel and my crying fits become shorter and shorter every time.

I think about why I'm crying over someone who didn't want/love me back and remember all the reasons why that is his loss and I'm better off for it. I remind myself that I am worthy of love/respect/kindness/loyalty/honesty.

I am sorry this was so long but I wanted to give as many options as I could think of! I am sorry you are going through this! Please know that you're not alone! And try to remember that his behaviors aren't a reflection of you and your worth; they are a reflection of himself. You are worthy of love, respect, kindness, loyalty, and honesty! Find things that you like to do or have always wanted to do or try and do them! If there is anything at all I can do to help you further, please don't hesitate to say anything!