How to stop being a pushover
Hello, does anyone have advice on how to stop being a pushover? Even though I know that the solution to my problem is to say 'no' I can't bring myself to say it, I feel so bad and then when people see me being a pushover in public, they look at me like I'm pathetic even my friend whom was a pushover like me,
he stopped acting like it so is the problem me? I don't want to look weak anymore but I feel so uncomfortable when I say no and when I do say no, I feel horrible like I'm a heartless person and it hurts either way
Does anyone know a solution? I don't know what to do anymore and I feel so weak...
@Dreee
Changing a habit takes time and practice start small saying no in some instances... with use it build and you can say no more.
Can you look back as to why you feel bad or insensitive saying no.... for example people who talked you into saying yes when you wanted to and should say NO.
When younger I was not a pushover but did not stand up for myself like i should .... when i did say NO at first people would say" it is just this one time".... "there is no one else" ... "you are always so dependable i KNOW you won't let me down " .... and my personal favorite that was almost NEVER true " i will pay you back or next time you need something i am there"
This is not you ... but you were conditioned/ manipulated to put the asking person ahead of yourself. when you see it like that it is easier to say NO especially to those who expect you to say yes all the time.
@Dreee It sounds like you're struggling with setting boundaries and feeling conflicted about asserting yourself. It's a common challenge, and it's important to recognize that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and feelings. Some strategies that can help with this are acknowledging your feelings, start small (for example, practice saying "no"), practice assertiveness (use "I" statements such as "I need some time to myself right now"), self-compassion (be kind to yourself), seek support (for example, reach out to listener here on 7Cups).
To conclude, setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary part of maintaining your well-being. It doesn't make you weak; it makes you self-aware and respectful of your own needs.