Hi

@oliveTriangle3658 Hello. You can ppost concerns in community forums or you can have 1-1 with a listener and talk about your issues (like me)

Hi is it okay to do both??? Would this be too much???

@oliveTriangle3658

belated but welcome! how are you getting used to things so far?

Hii, i newly joined this community. I m new here. I hv deal with lot of. Lolniness since my childhood. I hv lost my mother when i was 9 yrs old. Right now i m 20 and living with my father.

1.5yrs back, i met a guy on ***. We became friends, then from friends to bestfriends. We both r different. He is from south india and i m north indian. He is christian and i m hindu.our languages r different. I had some feelings and attachmentfrom him.,, but not seriously, i was ok with being bestfriend. One day, he said that hw want a kiss from me. I was not expecting it like this.Even before confessing how can someone directly ask like this.

We hadsone arguments, later he apologize, and we forgot about it. But again he try to talk romantically with me. And says that i love u as a friend, or i like sooo much. His this kind of actions use to hurt me alot. But, i couldn't stop him as i don't wanted to loose him, i hv fallen in love with him. If i say something more, he said "we r just 19 yrs now, we don't hv any clarity on our future and career, this is not the time to think about future marriage,let's enjoy how ever we r". I hv understood him and supressed myself and listen to his words.and as i hv feelings for him,i couldn't stop him from being romantic but i tried a lit if times to askwhwre do i stand in ur life. He used to say we r bestfriends only.

Sometimes, he start to ask about which kind of life partner do i want. Or when he said" i love u" and then said that this is the first time he said these words to anyone. I asked "after me?" He,said "ur daughter" and laughed. Idk whether these r jokes or whatever, but these things made my feelings even much more stronger for him.

Starting we use to think like, we both r of same age as we both passed same classes same yr. But last time on my bday, we realized that he is 1yr younger than me. If i would know this earlier , maybe the chances were less that i would hv feelings for a boy younger than me and vice versa(from his side also).altough 1yr isn't a big age gap, but on call, he seems to be more insecure about this.

Suddenly he starts asking about chances of having friendship with my female bestie ansmd started telking me about the kind of girls he likes, and his random past .memories with girl.That was hrting me, but i didn't said anything to him that how it affects me.Idk y i m like this, i m in love with a guy. He hurts me a lot of time he says that he loves me as a friend but he treat me like he is my bf.i get so much sad when he talks about other girls in front of me...he ask me to hv his friendship with my girl bestie...

Idk i really feel so much sad and hurt when he do this.

I want to leave him and move on and i tried also by blocking him..but after that i started feeling anxiety and i can't focus on anything.,, i unblocked and apolozise within 2days.

Idk wt to do!!!

When i blocked him, he was saying "u hv already taken ur dicision, i respect it, i was very sad and i was reading our old conversation,,, i suffered alot for these 2 days,but for ur happiness i m ready to sacrifice our friendship". I was crying and saying sorry again and again...after 2hrs of that he accepted my apologies.

Last night when he was talking about other girls and hv friendship with my girl bestie...i was,getting hurt but he was saying "don’t think anything about this, u r my best friend that's y i m saying u this""

After that call, i texted him "all boys r same". He saw,that msg later and left it on seen.

I m the kind of person who loves anyone very hard...no matter how much that person hurts me, i still go to them.

STUCK!!!!!