Ups and downs; today was a down

Hello,

The last few days have actually been okay, considering all that's been going on in my life until today.

Mom's got a terminal illness, a few of her siblings also have terminal illnesses, and I've got my own health problems. On top of that, I've been feeling stuck in life and not progressing the way I should be, the way my peers have. I find myself frequently comparing how bad my life is to theirs, which gives me so much anxiety knowing I have to continue to deal with this for however long.

Today, what was supposed to be a simple doctor's visit ended up triggering a wave of anxiety and that ultimately led me down my usual rabbit hole of dark, depressive, anxious thoughts at night. About my family, about myself, about the future. It feels as if myself and my whole family are just living on borrowed time until we hit rock bottom.

Just thinking about the things I have yet to accomplish and what I will eventually have to face keeps me awake at night. I'm in limbo right now and I feel like I can't get out of it. Some words of encouragement would certainly be nice right about now 😔