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New Relationship Anxieties

User Profile: cafedaydreams
cafedaydreams April 24th

Hello all, just felt like rambling here about some new anxieties.

So I recently got into a new romantic relationship with a man and while I am over the moon about it, I've been struggling keeping my overanxious and insecure thoughts in check. I do have plenty of positives to report though. Like the fact that I told him a bit about my anxiety very early on, and about how I sometimes get catastrophic thoughts such as him thinking me annoying and all of a sudden never wanting to speak to me again (he then seemed to assure me that wouldn't be the case). 

What's most encouraging is the fact that we've had a few honest conversations already, like the fact that it's been a long time that either one of us has been in a relationship, so he has said he may fumble and be a bit awkward at times. I said something similar and that we can figure it out together. I even went so far to apologize to him about how awkward I can be and that eventually I'll get over that, but he said something along the lines of he knows what he's getting into.

I think that the biggest anxiety I have right now is figuring out our texting habits together. See, he's not really that big of a texter, and even his best friend and family have said so. When we first started texting, there would often be long stretches of time between texts, and sometimes he'd send maybe a few words here and there. He's also not one for good morning/good night texts either, but he does send some texts asking how my day is going if he knows I am at some event or training for work. 

I am also completely fine that he's not a texter. Actually, it makes me feel more comfortable because now I don't feel as much pressure to "keep the conversation going" or try to say the "perfect" thing. He has also admitted to me that he's glad that I don't seem bothered by him not responding right away or texting very frequently. It can sometimes even come down to him not hearing the notification in his pocket, or his phone being in another room or far away when he's working at home.

The problem is that my anxious brain seems to not like that at all...and that can be frustrating for me to handle. Like earlier today I sent him a picture of something low key and random and he responded in one of his usual shorter texts, which he has done several times before. My anxious brain KNOWS this. It KNOWS that he's completely different when we interact in other ways that is not texting. It KNOWS that when we talk face to face we joke and blabber on and on together like a couple of nerds (LOL ). It KNOWS that he's very affectionate towards me.

But still, my anxious brain still wants to nudge me into thinking that his response meant something else, that maybe he's actually irritated that I sent him a picture. My anxiety latches onto that and creates even more catastrophes, like saying he's finally had enough of me and I need to be on edge because any second he's gonna send a text saying that we're done and he never wants to speak to me again! It's quite frankly super exhausting, but I feel like I'm getting a little better at handling it now than I was in the beginning (I was a complete mess in the beginning and would be near hyperventilation before somehow mentally slapping some sense into myself).

Not only that, but the anxiety feeds my overthinking brain with questions. Have I been texting enough? Is it too much? Am I saying the right things? It seems to all come down with me thinking that I'm not "saying the right things". Does he know I care about him? How do I show him more?

*sigh* Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest somewhere so why not here? There really isn't any problem here, it's just my anxiety thinking that everything is a problem apparently. 😒 Any advice on cultivating a healthy relationship is appreciated, because this relationship is definitely a lot different than my past ones (which is a whole other thread topic itself lol)!

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User Profile: juliak1968
juliak1968 May 11th

@cafedaydreams

Hi!~ I just read your post and I paid special attention to your words because I am on the verge of starting a relationship with one of 3 women. (LET ME EXPLAIN) I have not been in a relationship since 2016 and I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD and a host of health problems which include my need to carry 02 when ever I go out and I use a nasal cannula all the time while home. These past few months I have been in art therapy and I started drawing sketches for 11 people so far. I got a vibe from 3 ladies and I can tell it's time for me to handle this the right way. So my guess is I should take them each out for 1 date and take it from there. I know I have a right to choose, and I have to tell myself i am a free man right now, so I should tread lightly and try very hard to keep things casual until I know which direction to go. One of them I met at a fast food drive thru, the other has a smile I could see myself waking up next to, and the other women would be an interracial relationship - and there is chemistry between these women and I. I am happy you are settling into your new relationship and are willing to finally except that you deserve to be happy and are worth every moment to be in peace. I will have many challenges if I choose to try to establish a real relationship with one of them. The very best of luck to you both in your relationship!!~

Blessings, Day