Hi! It took me 27 years to get a diagnosis. I spent a good chunk of those 27 years working incredibly hard at school but often with little to show for my efforts. I grew up being slow at just about everything, especially eating and getting school work done. My mom nicknamed me the Poky Little Puppy, or Poky for short. I was often in someone's way, too, and I was very clumsy. I still have weaker motor control than most. I almost hit my boss while playing pickleball once! Don't pick me for sports! Also, I have a younger sister who is super smart and a quick learner. I was envious of her when we were kids. So, I internalized some hurtful messages: I am slow. I am in the way. I can't do anything right. I am stupid. Yet, I maintained a hopeful attitude, believing that I exist on purpose, that God has good plans for me, and that life is a great big adventure.
I persisted through high school and decided I would not torture myself over getting every single assignment done well, unlike my peers. I was a low achiever among overachievers. I focused my energy on my most interesting subjects and made it to community college, which was so much easier!
Those internalized messages I mentioned rarely came up until after I got married and after I pushed myself to get my bachelor's degree at a university, where I pulled an all nighter to finish a term paper! My symptoms worsened and became more apparent after I got married, when I had no structure on my days off and couldn't will myself to stop ruminating and get chores done. Plus, I'm a people pleaser, it hurt a lot when I disappointed my husband by failing to follow through on my plans. I spent a long time suffering from deep frustration and shame. Finally, 3 to 4 years ago I started seriously looking into what could possibly be wrong with me. I started seeing posts on social media about ADHD, and I went down many rabbit holes learning about ADHD and seeing that I have just about all the symptoms of inattentive-type ADHD. I contacted the mental health department of my healthcare provider and then talked to an intake specialist who then referred me to a doctor who interviewed me, diagnosed me, and then offered to prescribe medication. I declined medication and got in touch with a therapist instead, who gave me tools to help me with my worst symptoms at the time, which were organization and motivation. Now, I am continuing to learn ways to manage my symptoms without medicine, though in the future I may decide to try the meds.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk ð¤£