Partner with ADHD
Hi everyone,
I've recently started a relationship with someone who has ADHD. He's been pretty honest with me about it and we have talked somewhat about it and what he experiences and so on. But I'm still learning to navigate it all. It's hard for me to tell when his behaviour is driven by symptoms and when it's driven by... well me I guess.
For example, sometimes he's more distant and aloof, other times he's very cuddly and affectionate. He has told me that he can get quite big mood swings sometimes. But it's just... I'm not really sure what that means? I mean, are they just random? Or are they just intense responses to what's going on around you? Also, how do they affect your "baseline" emotions. When you aren't experiencing mood swings, do those feelings you had previously factor into how you feel/think/relate to someone?
I'd be grateful for any experiences people can share. I know every person experiences symptoms differently, but it would be helpful for me to hear as many perspectives as possible. Also, if there are any tips you can give on how best to support my partner, I'd appreciate those also.
Thanks in advance!
@confusedRaven6140
Hello!
I think it’s amazing that you are researching and looking for ways to better understand your partner.
That is more than some are willing to do.
I hope others can find this and share there stories/perspectives
with you<3 🌱✨
@innateJoy9602
Thank you. I just... I want this relationship to work. I want my partner to feel loved and accepted, but I also need to make sure I don't fall through the cracks. I need to be able to ask for what I need in the relationship, but I want to do so with compassion and understanding. So I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate all of that.
I think I also need to discuss with my partner more. Because I think he's also on board with this. I think he wants the relationship to work as well. But... I'm not sure. I mean I realise it's an effort on his end as well to have to consider not only how his ADHD affects him, but also how it affects me. I'm more than willing to make the effort on my end, but I guess I should ask him if he's willing to make it on his end.
Your partners work towards managing his ADHD is absolutely crucial but almost as much so is your ability to understand it with him.
I too have been in a relationship that was deeply impacted by ADHD--I was diagnosed, but the diagnosis came perhaps too far after the fact to salvage anything.
However, I learned now just how much a mutual understanding of my personal challenges through the disorder would have benefited and improved our relationship and we both know about it.
Two very incredible books that I've recently read about the impact of ADHD upon marriage/relationships may be helpful to you as well.
-- The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov
-- Loving Someone with Attention Deficit Disorder by Susan Tschundi
If you still have hope and are willing to fight for the relationship because you believe in it, I would recommend that you do everything you can to understand the disorder with him so that you can support each other through the challenges it brings to both of you
