I need to get this off my chest

I was exposed to porn at a really young age maybe first grade or even younger maybe 5-4 yrs old.

I have a lot to say I've never told anybody this I just want some help..just anybody to talk to..

So when i was little I used to watch porn on the tv, tbh i dont know why I watched it I was a picture of a naked woman and a man and just wanted to see more of that. So i found it on cable at the time. I cant remember the rest anything after that but My mother eventually found out and she whopped my ass. So ever since that day I just felt so much shame. But theres a bit more.

So in 2nd grade something else happened it was a bad thing s family member did to me like sexually and i didnt wanna do that thing and i kinda likebfirgot about it or force myself not to think about it. (Funny thing now it gives me panic attacks)

So a few years back from now (currently im in college), in highschool i found a picture of myself and a notebook. In the notebook i drew a lot of inappropriate drawings..abnormal like drawings. And I found like a picture of myself it wasn't a good picture.I dont know who took that picture and i got really upset and ripped up the picture and ripped everything out the notebook and flushed it down the toilet now.

Ugh okay to my addiction im not sure if im addicted to porn. But there was a time where I would like idk i just was really messed up and I kept having a lot of flashbacks from my childhood and i took all that sorrow and pain into porn. Like i would watch it all the time i wouldn't leave my room i still dont but like at that time i was a mess. I watched and read a lot of shit and it makes me sick to think about because I would like force myself to feel good i didn't feel good at all. I'd start crying afterwards..

Now in the now. I am like masturbating much healthier than before but I just need to be more aware of when and why I do it. I need to stop doing that when im stressed out and find a different solution. I have been trying hobbies like drawing and reading.

Sorry for literally being so detailed i just needed to get this off my chest its been bottling up