High sex drive is affecting my marriage
Iv been sober for 2 years now and iv been having anxiety over my wife and her loyalties to me and I’m finding I’m using sex as an escape to reassure me that we’re ok still after all the years together.
I have a high sex drive and feel I get really upset when her desire for sex doesn’t match mine I feel hurt by her unwillingness as iv changed so much to satisfy her needs over the last 3 years.
could anyone help as I don’t want to feel so hurt as I know it’s not my wife’s fault we all have different sex drives and they don’t alway Aline and I tend to push her away when what I really want is to be close so having the opposite affect by my own doing.
iv always had drink as a blanket for my feelings and don’t know how to show my wife I’m hurt and feel unable to talk to her of the fear of being rejected.
im also trying to work thorough my anxiety at the same time and all seems to be overwhelming as I can’t talk to my wife about it as she’s the one that’s hurting my feelings, I gave up porn and masterbating about 4 month ago as I learned she also had anxiety over this and I wanted to ease her suffering but has just seemed to make my worse any help would be great full
@raspberryKitten2391
Hello,
Congrats on your sobriety!
It’s nice that you gave those things up to ease her anxiety.
I think meeting in the middle works in these kinds of circumstances.
I know it may be hard to talk to her, but perhaps having a open conversation with her where you can both express your needs and wants may be nice.💛💫
@raspberryKitten2391
Hello♥️
Welcome to Addiction Support Community. Thank you so much for sharing your issues and for reaching out for help.
Seems like a lot is going on in your mind. I understand and relate to how upset and hurt you must be feeling. If I would have been in this situation I might have had the same questions and reasons to feel hurt. I agree, sex drives are different for different people and its absolutely okay. On the other hand you are working hard to contribute happiness and love in the life of your better half and I really wish she could see how difficult it is for you to give up so many things only for her happiness and yet you're doing it.
I have observed this that in a relationship when we do so many things to make the other person happy and yet they don't see our efforts then one can feel anxious, disappointed and hurt. Maybe they're not doing it intentionally? That's why communication is so important in a relationship. Maybe they're also putting a lot of effort and we're unable to see it?
Its not easy to open up about our issues. I'm so glad you're here and trying to receive the support you deserve. My pms are always open for you ♥️ Also, feel free to connect with a listener and talk more about your issues.
7cups and Addiction Support Community is here for you ♥️
Thank you so much for ur kind words my wife is definitely trying as well we have a lot of issues through our time together and we are a strong unit.
I think I just expect everything to change over night witch isn’t the case and need to give my wife time to adjust to the new me 🤷♂️.
im also trying to find where I’m happy now and i feel im putting a lot of pressure on my wife todo this when I know it has to come from within I just hope I don’t push her away with my anxiety as I know it’s unreasonable I just hope she understands
@raspberryKitten2391
I am so glad to know that you do realize that you and your spouse both are trying your best at the moment. A relationship where both contribute their love and devotion is a relationship which will blossom most beautifully. Everything becomes a bit easier when you know someone is by your side and that they won't give up on you.
When you said, "I think I just expect everything to change over night" I hear you! Makes sense perfectly. Anxiety does makes it difficult to wait for the outcomes/results. I can relate to this because I have had anxiety issues for a long time. And still learning to cope with it. How do you usually cope with your anxiety?
I really hope your spouse understands your feelings and situation. And I'm sure they still do! :)
Its so commendable that you try to understand your spouse and let them adjust to the "new you" The new beginnings are never easy. But it always makes me happy to see people like you who are assiduous in your quest to overcome your addiction and also not giving up on your relationships.
I am sure it's going to be worthwhile waiting for the outcomes you are expecting. In this journey you aren't alone 🌷 We are here to support you! Any amount of wait which brings a worthwhile change in your life is worth waiting for. Just that you have to see how you can keep yourself going through this journey with all your determination and dedication.
If you ever want to talk more about this and get more support you can reach out on 1-1 with any Listener and as usual my PMs are always open for you. 😊❤️
