Mary Jane's Curse

I started smoking pot at the age of 13. Not sure if it was trying to fit in or a sibling telling me it's normal idk. But I was dating a girl at the time who was stunning. She cheated on me and I left her. Devastated I started smoking every day. I was self harming , throwing myself into insane snowboard tricks. Didn't care, nothing mattered. Met a girl in grade 11 who helped me. She had asthma and couldn't be around the smell of it. I stopped for a year or so and focused on school. We wanted to get into good schools. She did, I didn't, she left, I didn't.

I went into a terrible spiral. I bought a Rottweiler, I was introduced to tobacco and weed mixed and started smoking like 15+ bong hits a day. After a year she came home. Nothing was the same. I was so angry and lost all the time. Finally I got frustrated and had to get out. I went to school in a city 10 hrs away and stopped smoking . While I was there I met a beautiful woman. She supported me through everything. She is my hero, my world. Guess what. One day she wanted to try smoking weed so I got the stuff and we did. Fast forward a few months , I'm rolling a j for each day. Another 2 months, and a bong hit every 2 minutes. She thought I hated her. We were living in the mountains . We went home to our separate families . After a year or so I was arguing with her while driving and we took out a pole on the passenger side. She was unharmed. I was so fucked up I couldn't speak. I couldnt believe I put her in a situation like that. We both moved to her parents and I felt trapped. One more time, say it with me "LETS TAKE A BONG HIT" .

Well hello depression. I couldnt take it. Went home. Smoked more . Moved back. Lived happily in our house with our cat until one day I decided I was all better. I didn't need an amazing person to help me grow and thrive. So I left her and went home.

This is now. I've moved back to the city for work. I live alone. I have no family here. I stopped smoking weed and in turn stopped eating and sleeping. I just want to be the man she deserves but its too late. I hurt her so bad already. I want to blame the weed for my foggy mind but I can't. I blame it for the endless years of stress leading to this though. I still think about her every day. She was my life.

This is over the course of 12 years. I was with this woman for 6 . I miss you . Xoxo