Addiction Recovery My Journey.
For fear of the stigma attached to it, I don't want to say what my addiction is that I am recovering from. But I feel that it's important to document my journey as it can give me new insights and help others. I have overcome many addictions in my life like smoking, alcoholism and drugs, so this is just another hill to climb.
I could have overcome this 10 years ago, and God knows I tried. But back then I didn't have the information, support and resources available to me that I have now. I know that I can overcome this, and that my life will change in a positive way. I am just sad that I had to hit rock bottom before finally deciding to make a change.
I always thought that I was a strong person, and that I could face anything. But I see now that this was all an illusion, and that the addiction just gave me the illusion of being strong. In actual fact, I am a really weak person, because instead of facing my problems, I ran from them.
I just numbed myself so that I wouldn't have to face the abuse and the stress in my own life. And the addiction helped me to cope, I am not going to sugar coat it. Now that I am sobering up and becoming clean for the first time in 20 years, I can see that my life is in shambles.
I feel really bad right now. I can't sleep. As you know I have been battling this STI because of my addiction. I did receive some meds and treatment, but now the symptoms are flaring up again. I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow.
My cherries are burning, my Gummy worm is burning, I feel it burning in the back of my throat and even my liver is burning. I feel like sheeet and I can't sleep, so I just want to complain. Yeah, I know it's my own fault, and hopefully everything will work out okay.
I can't help but think that my porn addiction has placed me in this situation, but maybe that's just one of many factors. Maybe my "ASPD" (if that's even a real thing) has caused me to get into many stupid situations in the past. I could have used a condom, but I decided to be reckless and live on the edge as usual.
I always see a pattern of this stuff repeating in my life, this isn't the first time I had unprotected sex and caught something. Here I am, it's past midnight and I am too sick to sleep. Anyway, I don't know where I am going with this...
You know that thing called sleep? Well, I am not getting much of that right now. Maybe it's insomnia from withdrawal symptoms coupled with the feeling of being sick, I don't know. So I am just going to complain:
The family jewels are not okay right now. The nether orbs are throbbing. The spheres of influence are not cooperating. My man berries are on fire. The love plums are hurting. The twin planets are not orbiting. Everything is NOT okay. I've got the clap!
I am proud of myself for staying sober. I feel like I am over the worst of the withdrawal, I just need to deal with the issues in my life. One thing that has really helped along the journey is to remove things from my life that could trigger a relapse.
For example, I had to stop watching TV, stay off social media (because it can lead to sexual media), stay off dating apps, and only watch family friendly content that is intended for all ages. I also installed a porn blocker on my computer and phone.
So far so good. Taking these steps have really helped, and to be honest it's also reduced cravings and urges. I feel like I got this.
So a big thing that I am dealing with right now is anxiety from the withdrawal symptoms. The addiction itself is actually easy to overcome. It's facing the stresses of life that's the real challenge.
I was using my addiction to regulate my mood and as a coping mechanism to make myself feel good. Now that I have to face the world head on, it's tough. But so far so good. I seem to be doing just fine.
Everyone runs of a cliff at some point in their lives. It's not a matter of if, but when. And when it happens, you've probably reached the point of no return.
Yeah, it's never to late to change, and you can still reap the benefits of changing. But you will also have to live with the consequences of your actions (which are permanent). It's something that you will have to live with and it's a reminder of the poor choices you made in the past.
For example, people who have deal with obesity and food addiction. Some of them have ran off a cliff. And even though they lost the weight, the impact that this has had on their lives will most likely always stay with them.
Whether it's loose skin or scars, or even something like their financial situation or relationships. The scars will stay with them, and sometimes never go away. This is the same for every problem in life. And let's be honest, just because you don't have a problem with food addiction, doesn't mean you aren't struggling with something else.
In my case it was pornography and sex addiction. And yeah it's tough coming to terms with the cost and the impact that this has had on my brain, body and life. I ran off a cliff too, just like everyone else in life.
@creativeShip7977 "Hey, long time no see! How are you doing?"
You are brave! Being vulnerable to the right people actually puts you in a position of power and you are now in a very powerful position.
It’s is not easy but it would possibly help if you could help someone else with similar issues.
Take care. Remember that you are precious!
💙💙💙