learning more about recovery

hi all

today i went to a mental health day of education  and this one was on addiction. as one who still say i have one even after being sober since jan 2 2006. we came to see that when one has one they can relapses  even after years of being a none user. my story kinda seems odd to many but it my story each of  us have a different  story and on a journey  of recovery.

my drinking first time started around age 1yr i  go behind my mom and dad finish their drinks. later on i would go into refrigerator  sneak moonshine that was always there. to not get found out i add water to the jars. but still not get why my parents did not see a issue as one time we was at my dad  union  yearly cook out and i get my dad bosses daughter  to sneak a 44oz glass of beer from the kag. my dad was not upset i got drunk he was more upset i embarrassed  him. we both could have died as all they did was put  us on a blanket and have us sleep it off.

but why i drank was to numb the pain i felt as was being abused in many ways by few family members and their friends. but it odd as at  around age 11yr i stopped drinking and did not drink as a teen and young adult. but after i lost my kids to state and parental rights too. then left my now ex i went off the deep end. after i end up in coma  and family was told i most likely  would never come out of it and if i did there be many lasting effects. but God had different  plans i guess as i came out of it 3 days later and walked out of hospital a hour later. had no lasting effects. but no one would at first believe i had a drinking problem seeing i did not drink daily and could go a long time without drinking. my  issue is i am a binge drinker so i hide my drinking well. also i drank alone not with other people. the coma was in july 2005. so even when i tryed AA others within it were kinda mean said i was not a alcoholic due to i could go a long time without drinking and well they just dismissed my issues. i was already DXed with a few mental health issues too.

but at last  i was believed by a place that dealt with additions  and even after going through there place and not stopping the binge drinking. they said i was kinda hopeless and did not give much hope of recovery at all.

but then new years day 2006 i went on a binge. before i had never got sick from drinking never had a hangover. but this time i got very sick with the drinking. that was last time i drank been sober  since jan 2 2006, but  even today i know i still in recovery one day at a time is all i can do. sadly my family has worked angest me offered me drinks even telling me i not have a issue with drinking. but i see now most them do is why and they not seeking help at all.

today i also had my eyes opened to self harm being a addiction  too. so this also explained a lot about actions as a child and adult too.  we been self harm free  now for about 4 years, but it to is at times hard to fight that too. so yes we believe recovery a journey  that one day at a time as can handle only one day at a time too.

will  say we been struggling  with thoughts of needing to self harm and yes even after all this time we some days struggled  with wanting a drink but we know if we took one drink it would lead to more and well end badly too

so this is my path to addictions  and my path into recovery

just one day  at a time