Self sabotaging addict

Hey there

im really hoping someone can help me as im so fed up of this road im stuck on.

I know I HAVE the power to change but it’s like I cant or subconsciously just don’t want to and it’s like i want to destroy my life and lose everything. But I know deep down i dont and that i want to change. I just don’t know how to this time.

I’ve quit before but this time it is sooooo hard.

I know I can change my ways so why am I not? It’s like I’m not trying and I’ve spent so long resenting myself now that I think I genuinely believe I’m just worthless.

please help me find the right tools to guide me back to the light and out of this darkness.

I’ve watched so much on YouTube and nothing is sinking in.