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scarbstar
23 85,934 M Marching Ahead 3
PathStep 286 Compassion hearts4,299 Forum posts71 Forum upvotes157 Current upvotes157 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceApril 20, 2022
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Female LGBTQ Gamer.



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10 Survival Tips For Loving An Addict
Addiction Support / by scarbstar
Last post
 Sunday
...See more Interesting read. What do you all think? 10 Survival Tips For Loving An Addict Courtesy “Candace Plattor, M.A. Registered Clinical Counselor” [http://candaceplattor.com/free-articles/top-10-survival-tips/] 1. Come face-to-face with reality. Learning how to deal with reality is the most important first step in “surviving” when you love an addicted person. Although it may seem easier to stay in the “fantasy space” where you can continue to believe that things are going to magically get better, there is no such magic. Things will not get better just because you wish they would. Coming face-to-face with reality means accepting that parts of your life may be out of control as a result of loving someone who is engaging in addictive behaviors. These addictions can include mind-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol, as well as mood-altering addictions such as eating disorders, compulsive over-spending, smoking, being “glued” to the internet, gambling or codependency in relationships. You may be feeling a constant, gnawing worry that you live with every day. You may find yourself being asked for money often, and feeling guilty if you say no. Perhaps you are watching everything you say and do, in order to “keep peace” in your home and not make the addict angry. Or you may be asked to do favors for the addict on a consistent basis, such as watching their children or doing their errands, and you may not know how to say no. Whatever your particular situation is, acceptance of what you are dealing with in your life is the first survival tip for loving an addicted person. 2. Discover how to love an addicted person — and stay healthy. There are effective ways to deal with the addicted person in your life, just as there are ways that are not only ineffective but can also be dangerous. Learning to distinguish between them can save you a lot of time and can also produce much healthier results for you and your addicted loved one. For example, learning how to set and maintain appropriate boundaries is a very important skill. You may need to explore the reasons why you have a problem doing that, and then learn some assertiveness techniques that will help you say “yes” when you mean yes, and “no” when you mean no. Another way to keep yourself healthy while caring about an addicted person is to make sure you are looking after your own life and keeping a good balance with such things as work or volunteering, supportive friendships, fitness and good nutrition, and time for the fun activities that you enjoy. Choose to practice the healthier ways of loving your addicted person. 3. You cannot control or “fix” another person, so stop trying! The only person you have any control over is yourself. You do not have control over anything the addicted person does. Many people choose not to believe this, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Once you can really grasp the reality of this concept and live by it, your life will become much easier. The Serenity Prayer can give you a helpful gauge to see whether you are trying to control people and situations that you simply cannot control. God, Grant me the Serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Cultivate your wisdom, so that you know the difference between what you can and can’t change, and stop trying to control or “fix” anyone other than yourself. 4. Stop blaming the other person and become willing to look at yourself. As easy and tempting as it may be for you to blame the addict in your life for your struggles and suffering, there is actually more value in exploring what you may be contributing to this situation, since that is the only thing you can really do anything about. Even though the addict has undoubtedly contributed his or her share of the trouble, in some way you also have a part to play in what is going on. For example, you might be keeping the “drama” going by lending money to your addicted loved one. Or perhaps you are always willing to be there to listen when they tell you all about the problems they are encountering as consequences of their addictive behaviors. These kinds of actions on your part will not help your loved one in the long run. It is your responsibility to recognize and “own” your unhelpful behaviors, and to get professional help in doing this if necessary. Understanding why you choose to behave in unhealthy ways is the key to making a change. Become courageous enough to be willing to look at yourself. 5. Learn the difference between “helping” and “enabling.” Just like most people, you might think that you need to help your addicted loved one. You probably fear that if you don’t provide help, he or she will end up in a worse predicament. When you try to “help” addicts by giving them money, allowing them to stay in your home, buying food for them on a regular basis, driving them places or going back on the healthy boundaries you have already set with them, you are actually engaging in “rescuing” behaviors that are not really helpful. Another term for this kind of unhealthy helping is “enabling.” When you can be as truthful as possible with yourself about your own enabling behaviors, you can begin to make different choices. This will lead to healthier changes in your addicted loved one as well. For example, you might decide to tell the addict in your life that you will no longer listen to them complain about their lives. However, you can let them know that you are very willing to be there for them as soon as they are ready to work on resolving their problems. Once you stop your enabling behaviors, you can then begin to truly help your loved one. 6. Don’t give in to manipulation. It has been said that the least favorite word for an addict to hear is “No.” When addicts are not ready to change, they become master manipulators in order to keep the addiction going. Their fear of stopping is so great that they will do just about anything to keep from having to be honest with themselves. Some of these manipulations include lying, cheating, blaming, raging and guilt-tripping others, as well as becoming depressed or developing other kinds of emotional or physical illnesses. The more you allow yourself to be manipulated by the addict, the more manipulative the addict is likely to become. When you hold your ground and refuse to give into their unreasonable demands, they will eventually realize that they are not going to get their way. Saying “no” is an important first step toward change — for you, as well as for the addict. 7. Ask yourself the “Magic Question.” It is important to understand that you might be just as “addicted” to your enabling behaviors as the addict in your life is to his or her manipulations. In the same way that addicts use drugs, alcohol and other addictive behaviors to avoid dealing with their shame about feeling unworthy and unlovable, you may be focusing on the addict’s behavior in order to avoid having to focus on living your own life. Your enabling behaviors toward the addict may be helping to keep you busy and to fill up your life so that you don’t have to see how lonely and empty you are feeling inside. Ask yourself the question “How would my life be better if I wasn’t consumed by behaviors that enable my loved one?” Allow yourself to answer honestly, and be aware of any feelings that come up. Although it may be scary to think about giving up behaviors that have formed your “comfort zone,” it may be even more scary for you to think about continuing them. 8. Know that “Self-care” does not equal “selfish.” Too many people get these two ideas confused: they think that if they practice healthy self-care and put themselves first, they are being selfish. “Selfishness” basically means that you want what you want when you want it, and you are willing to step on whomever you have to in order to get it. That actually sounds more like the behavior of the addict. If you try to take care of someone else before taking care of yourself, you will simply become depleted and exhausted. “Self-caring” means that you respect yourself enough to take good care of yourself in healthy and holistic ways such as making sure your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs are met. As an adult, it is your job to determine what your needs are, and you are the only one responsible for meeting them. 9. Rebuild your own life. The best way to come out of your own “addictive behaviors,” such as enabling and people-pleasing, is to focus on your own life. If your life seems empty in any areas such as career, relationships or self-care, begin to rebuild your life by exploring the kinds of things that might fulfill you. Would you like to make a career change or go back to school? Perhaps you would like to develop different hobbies or activities that would help you meet new people. Rebuilding your life so that you feel a greater sense of happiness and self-fulfillment is your most important over-all responsibility. Enjoy! 10. Don’t wait until the situation is really bad ~ reach out for help NOW!! When those who love people with any type of addictive behavior finally reach out for help, they have usually been dealing with their situation for a long time. If you have been waiting to see whether things would get better without professional help, please consider getting help NOW, before things become even worse. If this situation is just beginning for you, it is best to get some support as soon as possible, so that you don’t make the mistakes that could make things more difficult
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Three Main Ways to Practice Self-Care in Recovery
Addiction Support / by scarbstar
Last post
 Thursday
...See more Take Care of Your Body One way to take care of your body is to remain mindful daily. Be aware of what is going on with your body. That includes what you’re eating and drinking and how restful you slept the night before. Another way to take care of your body is to be responsive to its needs. Hunger is a need. Thirst is a need. If you’re hurt, medical attention is a need. Your responsiveness to these needs is important. Delaying them or depriving yourself of them is a sign of poor self-care. Take Care of Your Mind An important first step in taking care of your mind in recovery is making sure you get a proper diagnosis during treatment for a substance use disorder. Dual diagnosis treatment can be a significant factor in helping someone understand what underlying condition has affected their drinking or drug use. Once aware of it, they can learn how to create healthy behaviors as a replacement to the self-destructive coping mechanisms of substance misuse. Take Care of Your Spirit Spiritual self-care is just as important as the first two categories. Taking care of your spirit is a part of the recovery journey that needs daily practice. It can come as early as the beginning of a treatment program, and it’s something you can learn to sustain on your own. Learning to reach this part of yourself through daily activities strengthens your recovery work. It’s part of building a foundation of personal growth that can sustain you through challenging times and setbacks to your sobriety. The activities can be something you do solo or within a group.
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Tips to manage cravings.
Addiction Support / by scarbstar
Last post
 Friday
...See more 1. Know that cravings will pass. First, understand that while these urges are strong, they will pass, typically in about 5-30 minutes.  Many addiction specialists urge people to ‘surf the urge’ and accept that these urges will come in waves and take the necessary steps to ward them off. 2. Identify your goals and keep them on hand. Make a list of all the reasons you quit and all the potential negative outcomes that could happen to you if you start using again.  Keep this list handy at all times to remind yourself of your ultimate goal. 3. Be consistent in treatment and therapy. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a commonly used form of psychological treatment for addiction recovery. CBT utilizes techniques to help redirect your focus away from the cravings.   “Counseling, sponsors, group therapy and individual therapy are all key components to help patients stay on track,” adds Dr. Juneja. “It’s important to have trusted sources you can call on when you’re battling thoughts that can hurt your chances of recovery.”  4. Explore new passions. Find other ways to distract your mind, especially when you need to fill some down time. Take up a hobby like:  Sports Cooking Reading Drawing or painting  Dancing Hiking Photography Fishing Puzzles Video games (be mindful that video games and social media can have addictive qualities) Listen to soothing music Meditation (or other meditative practices, i.e. float therapy) Yoga 5. Exercise regularly. It is crucial to get as much exercise as you can, this will stimulate your mind and body, and create routines and structure in your week that help stay on track. Regular aerobic exercise and eating a healthy diet play a large role in helping fight addiction through self-care.  6. Practice meditation and breathing techniques. Throughout the recovery process, it is important to reduce stress, anxiety and encourage a sense of emotional balance. One of the best ways of doing this is practicing simple relaxation techniques to focus on your breathing, taking deep breaths when you are feeling any urges. Meditation also is a wonderful way to feel refreshed and invigorated any time of the day. 7. Identify a trusted support system. Another very helpful tool on the road to successful and long-term recovery is to maintain safe, emotionally supportive relationships. The individuals you are connected to often can play a key role in helping you through any crisis.   Whether it is a friend, family member, co-worker or neighbor, share your concerns with them and let them help support you through your recovery journey. It is important to remember that it often takes many attempts at recovery to achieve success, and managing cravings with coping skills is a foundation of success.  
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Introducing Myself.
Addiction Support / by scarbstar
Last post
 January 13th
...See more Hi everyone. My name is star and I'm a recovering addict.  I'd just like to introduce myself as your new forum supporter. I have been sober for 2 years and I really am looking forward to getting involved in this community. Not only for you all but for myself as well.  What I'm hoping to gain from the 7cups leadership community is a more active Addiction community. Don't be afraid to post.  Our most lasting and fulfilling achievements are often earned by helping others fulfill theirs. This is also a CHECK IN where's everyone at and introduce yourselves!
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Who's leading the addiction community?
Addiction Support / by scarbstar
Last post
 January 12th
...See more I've been on 7 cups for a few years now. I'm mostly always a member. I lack empathy but I'm working on it. Anyways I want to be more involved in the community again as I did in the past and want to know who I can talk to about getting involved again?
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A new day
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by scarbstar
Last post
 October 10th, 2022
...See more I've been going through recovery since the end of March. I've had quite a few "slips" which I call relapses. I call them relapses because I know mentally I can't handle a small slip. I drank til I blacked out almost every night for almost 10 years. I've been on 7 cups trying to get help and I also go to aa trying to build an army. But even then I find myself questioning why am I working so hard but I'm getting nowhere when in reality any day sober IS getting somewhere. Today in aa I meantion that I haven't been as sober as long as the rest of the people in aa and someone spoke up and said we've all been sober the same amount of time today and thats since we woke up. Even if I have to keep keep grabbing that 24 hour chip is a step forward. This meme tells me that everyone goes at a different pace when it comes to recovery and that's okay. As long as we are all headed in the same direction.
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My Recovery Must Come First So That Everything I Love In Life Doesn't Have To Come Last.
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by scarbstar
Last post
 October 8th, 2022
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A Reminder of your Why
Addiction Support / by scarbstar
Last post
 October 6th, 2022
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