Shoplifting addiction + How i'm starting to heal and stop this addiction

Hi, I'm nate. 13, all pronouns. and here i am, new member of this group today and i can't believe i'm finding myself talking about this because i thought it was shameful. i hope other people can relate to this so i don't feel alone, so, lets begin.

I don't know when this shoplifting addiction started, maybe when i was 7/8, and now i'm ashamed of it.

the reason i shoplifted often was because, i was deprived of many things, but i still know its wrong. there are times where i felt a sense of guilt after doing something, sometimes embarrassment.

i've maybe stolen, hundreds of things by now. tiny things typically. some things would include stickers, charms, skincare, makeup, pins, and other things really.

in all those times, i've never been caught. i've been caught maybe once, and it was this year. but it was only because employees were total jerks about it and called me out in front of the entire store, and the thing i was trying to take was very big and very noticeable.

my mom has found my stolen items and taken them away from me and hid them in her room, i found them today, all of them. i'm slowly going to be taking everything back.

but its not the only thing i found in there.

fvck. my diaries... i don't know if she's read them. but they aren't good. none of them are. and i know she's written notes in them. i'm scared to look in them, i'm scared of how many secrets she'll find. i just want to burn the books now.

anyways, besides the point, i stopped shoplifting but my urges are constantly still there.

and if your wondering, no i don't have money, no i don't get an allowence, no there is no way for me to earn money, i only get money twice a year, and my parents say no to everything i want. all of this contributes to the urges, i'm afraid i'll go back and shoplift again.

but so far, i'm a few weeks clean, maybe even a month clean.