I feel like relapsing
I have the strongest urge to relapse back to old habits. I am also working currently in Addictions so relapse means I lose everything. But I'm also in so much pain that I can't think of how else to cope that will make it go away. I got hooked on uppers when I was 17. Started out thinking ecstasy would be fun and harmless, started using coke at parties casually and before I knew it I was using meth alone in my room because I needed it. It wasn't fun and games anymore and led to me actually almost overdosing on fentanyl. I worked my way through recovery, got clean and became a role model for others. I'm 22 and I was 19 when I last used. I went through a trauma recently and now all I can think about is getting high. It feels like when you haven't eaten in days and someone shows up with you're favourite meal. I've wiped my phone so I don't have dealers numbers but I can't get these feelings to pass. How do you cope with urges to use?
Hi,
its awesome to see you holding strong and staying clean even after 3 years and helping others too. There is a guide on the site about addictions https://www.7cups.com/alcohol-drug-abuse/, it may be worth looking into alternative coping methods and stress relievers. Also think about the consequences of taking drugs and ask yourself questions like, what will your future be like, how will it affect your family? Is a temporary solution really what you want and the way you want to go with your life?
@unbrokenhearts I'm incredibly proud of you for posting and reaching out. I'm also proud of you for deleting all of your contacts. I know that can be a difficult step. The strong urges to relapse can feel never ending but I promise that they do pass. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your recent trauma. Traumatic events can make using, even when remembering how horrible of a place using has taken us, seem worth it.
What I've found to be helpful personally, is to remind myself of who I was when I was using, the situations that I have gotten into due to using, what I'll lose if I go back out, as well as everything that I've accomplished while being clean, including my recovery itself. Talking to others who are in recovery has been helpful for me as I've found that if I stay in my mind, the toxic thoughts only fester. When my urges have gotten really bad, I've set rules for myself. I can't leave my apartment unless it's to go to an appointment or to meet with someone in recovery, no one can come to my apartment or drop anything off anywhere for me, that kind of thing. It's helped when things have gotten really bad cravings wise. These are just what has helped me when my urges have gotten worse.
Again, I'm glad that you posted. There's going to be a Group Discussion tonight (Wednesdays) at 11 pm ET with @VinylFly leading and myself co-leading. There is another group discussion being held by @dancingStrawberry34 on Saturdays at 6:30 pm ET, and by @Jenna on Tuesdays at 2 pm ET.
Also, please don't hesitate to message one of us. We're here to support you. 
@InternalAcceptance
thank you so much for being an awesome team member!
@dancingStrawberry34 It's great to have to back! 
@InternalAcceptance
we missed you!
@unbrokenhearts It sounds to me like since the trauma was the cause of the urges to relapse, then maybe it would help if you were able to get some kind of trauma therapy in order to work on lessening the impact of the root cause on the rest of your life. You sound like an amazing person, who just needs a bit of help right now, which we all do from time to time.
What usually helps me cope when I am tempted to relapse is finding something to absorb myself in until the craving passes, what that is varies from person to person, and what works one day might not work the next. It can be good to have a list of things that you think might work and just try them one by one until you find which does the trick. If you're into video games that might work, or you could try calling a friend, reading a good book, putting on some music to dance too, doing yoga, start writing a story, try painting or an art project. Just a few random ideas off the top of my head. Just pick things you'll both enjoy but also get fully absorbed into -- ideally actively engaging your brain, not passively, that way you be too busy to entertain the thoughts -- you can deal with them after the worse of the intense craving has passed.