30 Day Face Your Fears Challenge

I was afraid to look at an old friend's Facebook page. I was afraid, because I didn't want to press the wrong button by accident and then he would know I looked before I am ready to reach out and make contact again. But I looked. Now I am planning my next step towards rekindling our friendship.

Day 2 - I am afraid of facing my body. I almost never look at myself in a full-length mirror. But I've always liked my face. Until my weight gain. After that I stopped looking at my face too. Yesterday I had a haircut. While sitting in front of the mirror, looking anywhere but at my face, I remembered about faceyourfears. So I looked up and I faced my face. At first just for a few seconds. But then I tried again, and again, until I really looked at myself. I started to see more than the extra weight. I noticed that I looked tired and felt compassion for myself. I looked longer and I began to recognize myself again. I saw that I was still there, the me I liked. I saw less of the weight and more of me. Just me. And I began to like my face again.

Today I did something worth doing, I spent time on 7 cups, but also planned and wrote a couple of discussions.

Day 3 - I was afraid to be without my therapist while she went overseas, but I made it through! Thank you to the listener who helped me when I needed an ear.

Day 4 - Today I acknowledged that I am in a place between believing and unbelief and it hurts to be here. It is scary to not have anyone who can tell me what to believe. It also scares me to think that I might believe in something that isn't true or choose to not believe in something that is true and very important. I have to just face this and figure it out for myself.

Day 5 - I'm afraid of being rejected by those whom I love and want to be with. Last night this fear expressed itself again in one of my dreams. I dreamt about a TV character called JJ. I like her very much. I've dreamt about her before and every time she rejects me. So I decided to try something different. It's not someone I can face in real life, but during a mindfulness exercise I asked JJ to come to me (which after being rejected isn't as easy as it sounds) and I spoke to her about my fear and feelings and wishes. For those who think this doesn't count, the feelings were very real to me and I cried while talking to her. I'll see if it has any effect on my dreams. Maybe we will need more than one talk. Maybe this is also good practice to eventually talk to a real person about feeling rejected.

Day 6 - I am afraid of opening the door if I don't know who it is, even though there is still a steel gate between myself and the "visitor". This morning the bell rang and it kept ringing. I was home alone, but thought it could be my mother who was trying to get in (although she was supposed to be somewhere else). So I took a chance and opened the door. It was indeed my mother who locked herself out. She was very relieved to see me.

Day 7 - I said something that hurt my mom's feelings. I felt very bad about it. Then I decided I could ignore it and go on, pretend nothing happened, or I could walk in there, face her hurt and my guilt and tell her I'm sorry. I was scared. I just wanted it to go away as if it never happened. But I chose to face her and apologise.

Day 8 - I remembered today that I can't take responsibility for someone else's emotional well-being. I have to let them take care of it themselves, even if that means that for a while they will struggle. I have to allow them to struggle and find their own way out of it. I cannot take responsibility for it, even if it scares me to think of what might happen.

Day 9 - I answered my phone without knowing who it is. I hate doing it. Spent a few minutes talking to a stranger. Hate that too. Here come the feeling... THREATENED, AFRAID, IRRITATED. Notice....don't judge....and ......let them go. Easier said than done. Need more practice.