My Friendship Breakup

Hello all. I initially wanted to share my whole experience that I originally shared in another wellness community platform that my counselor referred me to, but it was hard to edit down to make it acceptable to be posted in one of the community forums here, so I'll just type it here from scratch.

I also just found this subcommunity by the way, so I figured it best fits what I want to share.

I had a mental breakdown earlier this month and lashed out at 2 people I've cared about, one of them who is now my former best friend (they/them). The other one was my significant other.

I've said a lot of bad things to them out of nowhere. Only my significant other reached out, but my former best friend did the opposite and instead took matters into their own hands and decided to unfriend/unfollow and possible block me everywhere we've been together on, including the games we used to play together almost everyday.

However, I did not find this out until actually 1-2 days after I reached out to Crisis Lifeline for the first time. I knew I needed help that day, so I made a courageous decision after realizing what I've done. After finding out about it, I ended up grieving and feeling depressed for the whole week after because they never said a word to me. I had to reach out to Crisis again because I didn't know how to cope with it.

I know I lost many friends throughout the years but this one was the most heartbreaking because we supported each other a lot and did a lot of things together. They were willing to throw more than 7 years of our friendship away and stopped talking to me because I was not okay that day.

We also had a mutual online friend who opened up to me that he was blocked and banned from communicating as well as from viewing their online streams after the incident, even though he had nothing to do with it and was never involved. I didn't understand why, but he then told me they aren't worth it anymore.

My significant other also tried to reach them by phone call several times until deciding to leave them a text message. He got a text back from them the following day that they're doing fine, as if nothing happened. He felt disappointed and didn't respond.

I didn't try to reach them out because they made that choice that I wouldn't retaliate against. And there was no point to it since they never responded and instead just block me all in one go. So that was the end of it.

I've been going through recovery ever since. I'm currently attending a recovery program that focuses on managing emotions, as well as some other resources of therapy and other wellness communities that my counselors have suggested to me. I can't afford therapy services since I lost my job and other financial difficulties, so this is the best help I could reach out to. So until now, I've been making slow and steady progress.

Some important things I learned during my recovery was not to be hard on myself, as well as not shutting the door behind me.

Anyway, I think that's all I can share for now. Thank you for reading.