The Birthday Part 3
The next morning I wake up and she's getting ready.. next thing I hear is a knock at the door! I freeze up because I'm not really sure what's going on. She says" stay here, my ex is at the door trying to start drama".
So I stay in the room... mind you... I'm not one to stay quiet I'm actually someone who speaks my mind but this time was different and I wish I did speak my mind that morning.
So I'm in the room and all I hear is her ex yelling at her talking about how they were working things out and how could she basically play her with me. The ex was super upset and she even had her friends and sister outside. (I knew right then it was a red flag and I should have ended everything). All I could hear Jade saying is she wasn't going to talk about this right now and told her to leave. They left, my heart sunk...it sunk deep. I wanted to throw up.
Well Jade came back in and told me don't worry about her and said that she was crazy. She went on telling me that her ex shouldn't have shown up at her birthday party and she hadn't seen her all year long. (Mind you, I found out later that was a lie.. she actually saw her all year long).
It rubbed me wrong but for some reason I believed everything she said to me. (I was naive and wish I just listened to my guts). Later, that day I take my grandmother out into the city and I'm just trying to forget everything that happened. Well I hear a ding on my phone, it's a FB message from her ex!!!
I thought if I vented my story it would help with whatever I'm going through inside but it's not and my story isn't even close to what I'm feeling inside and the triggers I have.
Doing this is making my overthinking worse and venting is not healing the hurt, it's just making it way worse. So I'm done posting about it.
Not even sure what I can do at this point but just focus on me and making me mentally and emotionally stronger, even with me deciding to stay with that person. Trying to put me first and understand I can't control other ppl and their boundaries but I can control how I react and decide if I want to stay or not and remove toxic ppl from my life.
I'll get there soon and hopefully I'll find my completeness, joy, and love that I deserve.
@somewhereiam142
Hi--I noticed that nobody responded to this post. 😟 I read all three of your threads. Just summarizing my understanding of your whole story:
There is a girl Jade who you met through work but didn't know very well. She invited you to her birthday party, and something about her energy really caught your eye and felt attractive. You didn't know her very well, but you decided to text her to tell her that you had a crush. She responded positively to this, the two of you hung out, and there was a night where you kissed her, slept over at her house, and the two of you had sex.
The following morning, her ex came over and was really upset and yelling at Jade for the fact that she was involved with you. Jade told you before and after this event not to worry about it, that her ex was crazy, that the ex shouldn't have shown up, and that she hadn't been seeing the ex at all (which wasn't true).
***
What I'm taking away from all of this is that Jade wasn't truthful with you about the fact that she was still in a relationship with her ex. You wished you had been able to speak up (i.e. when the ex came over and started yelling at Jade) to find out the truth and communicate your boundaries/expectations (i.e. "I'm not okay with the two of you being involved with one another while I'm dating you"). Not being able to do that has felt like it's taken away some of your feeling of confidence or power.
I like what you've said that you can't really control the actions of other people, but you are able to decide how you want to respond to other people's actions. It's possible that they might change what they're doing as a result of that if you're clear that you aren't happy with it. Alternatively, if they don't, then the next step is deciding what you do in response to that that feels like it meets your needs. Or if you decide that a confrontation doesn't feel like it's worthwhile at this point and the risks outweigh the benefits, that's also an acceptable option.
If you'd like to talk to a listener about any of this, feel free to schedule a chat with me. Alternatively, HERE is a list of experienced listeners who accept chats on relationships.