Module 3. Emotion Regulation: (Discussion #9) Self-Validation

DBTuesday is a series of posts where we explore skills and concepts from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

What is self-validation

Self-validation is understanding and accepting our own inner experiences. This could include the following:

• Being encouraging
• Noticing things we’re good at
• Noticing things we’re trying really hard at
• Noticing how we’re feeling
• Caring for our needs
• Saying kind things to ourselves
• Accepting our limits rather than expecting perfection
• Being forgiving if we make mistakes

Benefits of self-validation

Here are some benefits of self-validation:

• It feels good: It feels good to be praised, appreciated, understood, and treated kindly. 💜

• More effective coping: During a difficult experience, self-validation can help with staying calm and avoiding making things feel worse.

• Less dependent on others: If we’re able to self-validate, then we aren’t quite as reliant on other people offering praise or acceptance.

These are some more general benefits of positive self-talk (of which self-validation is one example):

• Increased life satisfaction
• Improved immune function
• Improved cardiovascular health
• Improved physical well-being
• Increased energy
• Reduced risk of death
• Reduced stress
• Reduced pain

Tips for practicing self-validation

Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT, described 6 levels of validation, which also apply to validating oneself:

• 1) Be present: Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, including any bodily sensations

• 2) Accurate reflection: State what you’re feeling without distorting or judging

• 3) Guessing: Use clues from your body sensations or the surrounding situation to guess what you might be feeling if you aren’t sure

• 4) Validating based on history: Acknowledge that you may have past experiences that influence your present experiences and make them more understandable

• 5) Normalizing: Consider that other people would feel similarly if they were in the same situation with the same external and internal conditions

• 6) Radical genuineness: Allow yourself to be what you are instead of pretending to be someone you aren’t

Here are some examples of statements that might be helpful to use:

• “It’s okay for me to feel what I’m feeling.”
• “It’s understandable for me to feel this way.”
• “My feelings matter.”
• “I trust my instincts.”
• “I’m doing my best.”
• “I’m making progress.”
• “It’s okay to make mistakes.”

Reflection

Think about something you’ve been struggling with recently. What is something validating you could say to yourself in response?

Sources:

https://oregoncounseling.com/article/practicing-self-validation/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2019/11/why-its-so-important-to-validate-yourself-and-how-to-start

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201407/self-validation

https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-self-talk