Module 3. Emotion Regulation: (Discussion #9) Self-Validation

DBTuesday is a series of posts where we explore skills and concepts from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

This is one of several posts focusing on emotion regulation, which is the third module of DBT skills training. See this post for general info about DBT and this post for more info about emotion regulation.

What is self-validation

Self-validation is understanding and accepting our own inner experiences. This could include the following:

• Being encouraging
• Noticing things we’re good at
• Noticing things we’re trying really hard at
• Noticing how we’re feeling
• Caring for our needs
• Saying kind things to ourselves
• Accepting our limits rather than expecting perfection
• Being forgiving if we make mistakes

Benefits of self-validation

Here are some benefits of self-validation:

• It feels good: It feels good to be praised, appreciated, understood, and treated kindly. 💜

• More effective coping: During a difficult experience, self-validation can help with staying calm and avoiding making things feel worse.

• Less dependent on others: If we’re able to self-validate, then we aren’t quite as reliant on other people offering praise or acceptance.

These are some more general benefits of positive self-talk (of which self-validation is one example):

• Increased life satisfaction
• Improved immune function
• Improved cardiovascular health
• Improved physical well-being
• Increased energy
• Reduced risk of death
• Reduced stress
• Reduced pain

Tips for practicing self-validation

Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT, described 6 levels of validation, which also apply to validating oneself:

• 1) Be present: Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, including any bodily sensations

• 2) Accurate reflection: State what you’re feeling without distorting or judging

• 3) Guessing: Use clues from your body sensations or the surrounding situation to guess what you might be feeling if you aren’t sure

• 4) Validating based on history: Acknowledge that you may have past experiences that influence your present experiences and make them more understandable

• 5) Normalizing: Consider that other people would feel similarly if they were in the same situation with the same external and internal conditions

• 6) Radical genuineness: Allow yourself to be what you are instead of pretending to be someone you aren’t

Here are some examples of statements that might be helpful to use:

• “It’s okay for me to feel what I’m feeling.”
• “It’s understandable for me to feel this way.”
• “My feelings matter.”
• “I trust my instincts.”
• “I’m doing my best.”
• “I’m making progress.”
• “It’s okay to make mistakes.”

Reflection

Think about something you’ve been struggling with recently. What is something validating you could say to yourself in response?

Sources:

https://oregoncounseling.com/article/practicing-self-validation/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2019/11/why-its-so-important-to-validate-yourself-and-how-to-start

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201407/self-validation

https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-self-talk