Family & Caregivers Community

Family

by PeggyMeghan111

12 hours ago

Are we done?

by cc415

2 days ago

...See more As I am typing this, I am laying in my childhood bed at my parents' house with my daughter sleeping in a playpen beside me. How have I let my husband bully me into thinking we are the ones that need to leave our home? This is definitely not where I pictured myself at nearly 30 years old. I feel like I don't even know who I married anymore. The words he said right before I left with our dogs and daughter keep echoing in my ears, "I think we are done, we are just not working out." What the actual f***? My heart is racing. This man who I devoted 7+ years to and have a 1+ year old daughter with thinks he can just up and decide we are done after we moved into a new house 2 weeks ago? What am I missing here? Just before I decided on leaving and spending the night elsewhere, we got home from a Christmas Tree Farm . What did he say as we parked in the garage? He said "This was a *** day." Are we done? I didn't think after 5 years of being together and 2+ years of marriage we would be calling it quits so soon, but maybe we are done? Maybe I am done? For additional context, right before this, we were talking about jobs I am applying for. I had to resign from my previous position due to health issues that required a major abdominal surgery a few months ago. Our daughter is in daycare two days a week starting a couple of months ago, but she has gotten sick twice already in the last two months so that means she has been home sick with me every other two weeks for the past two months. We are fortunate to have a subsidy for childcare, but that only lasts if I am able to find a 30+ hour position by the end of this month. I have a PhD and I haven't been able to land a role yet after job hunting for 3 months with some of my job hunting time being impacted by our daughter being ill. I have contract work coming up, but it doesn't start until late January/early February. I am not a stranger to service positions, so I am going to apply to some I have had my eye on; they have flexible working hours so I can still take care of our daughter the days she is not in daycare. I had mentioned applying to the service role many months ago to my husband and he was less than supportive saying things like, " you should be able to do better. " On top of all this negativity, since our daughter was born, he has been glued to his phone. I have mentioned that it bothers me how often he is on his phone while he is supposed to be bonding and spending time with our daughter. He couldn't even put his phone down for 5 minutes today to watch her while I dug my boots out of a moving box. In those 5 minutes, she managed to drench her only holiday outfit in dog bowl water because he was too busy watching a YouTube video. Her only holiday outfit was drenched right before we were going to take family photos all because he couldn't put his phone down for 5 minutes. My husband's occupation is stressful, the hours are long and unpredictable, but I am tired of it being his excuse for not being present for our daughter, being unsupportive towards me, and the root of his pessimistic attitude. These past few months he appears withdrawn, depressed, and just unhappy. I have been working on myself by talking to my personal therapist for the past few months every other week. Meanwhile he hasn't talked to his own counselor for at least 6 months, with no excuse or reason. It feels like he doesn't want to put the effort in anymore. He even tried helping me pack my bag as I left the house with our daughter and dogs as if to say "good riddance." Is this the end of our marriage? Maybe? I think I personally might be done. How do I take a stand? Is it too late? I never wanted this life for our daughter.

I don’t know what to do

by brightIdea8924

3 days ago

...See more I feel completely lost. I have been with my husband for 10 years and we had our first baby girl last year. He was always affectionate and loving until we got married and it's like a switch turned in him and he has become lazy and only seems to care about himself. I have moved all over the country for him for his work which I enjoyed but it's also made it very difficult to make friends and when we had our daughter that became clear that I was completely alone. He didn't want to get up when I told him I needed help in the morning (I'm talking 9am not 3 am) even thought he doctors told me to take it easy from a complication I still did all of the laundry, dishes and cleaning. Things have only gotten worse. He is now in school so he switched to a part time job. I will give him that he worked until 11 some nights and has school from 9-3 4 days a week. But I work a full time job while being the primary care taker for out child and I picked up and extra job a few days a week plus donate plasma for some extra cash. I still do all of the household work even if he is home he doesn't even offer to help, like he will watch me do the dishes and go into the living room and each Tv. That's all he seems to do if he is home is sit on the *** couch and watch TV. If I need him to watch the baby bc I am working or something he sits and watched tv vs playing with her and then gets annoyed when she cry's at all. If I try to bring any of this up it's always a "my like is harder, I'm busy, I'm never home, ets" there is always some excise about how my life is so much easier than his. This is what really got me and I know it is so selfish but I got him a Christmas gift he has always wanted off of fb marketplace. Since we are struggling for money a little while he is in school I made sure to save up some cash and it was about 60$. My parents are always very generous at Christmas and always very generous at Christmas and asked what we wanted and I was so excited because I never get gifts and was excited to have something new but he decided we will need money (which we do since we have some unexpected medical bills coming up) so now we are just getting cash for Xmas. This would be fine and I know it's selfish but now I guess that means he isn't getting me a gift either. I always try to get him really meaningful and useful gifts and I have gotten nothing. Last Xmas he just got me a visa gift card bc he "didn't know what I would want". I also found out he is spending money on juuls and he does not think I know but like I said I do the cleaning so I find them and he has the charger in his backpack. I just don't feel any kind of love or affection from him at all and when I try to tell him that he gets annoyed. Like all he cares about is football and complaining about whatever he saw on the internet. If I try to tell him something he changes the coco back to what he was saying and if I don't pay 100% attention to him then I'm the bad guy and it turns into a fight. Thave no one to talk to or hang out with and I am just so lost.

Having an issues

by SweetSugarBoost

Saturday

Vent and feeling negative for a while since my dad's talk around 2 nights ago

by SilencedConstrained

Thursday

...See more Vent: My dad is 65 years old and day by day, his mental process of thinking and comprehending is decreasing, more easily irritated and it would only get worse as he grows older. For example, he sometimes forget that he had already heated up the water for my shower and that I already showered, so he would heat up the water again and tell me to take a bath to which I had to after reminding him because saying no would anger him, plus, the already boiled water would be a waste. One day, my dad was asking me whether if I want <Meal A> or <Meal B> from a fast food restaurant we occasionally order from, so I answered with <Meal A> and said to him that <Meal A> has more meat than <Meal B> (with the purpose to give him an analytical information of which one is better to me). My dad replied "So which one you want!?" to which I answered with "<Meal A>" and then he said "Why did you have to say such nonsense?!" and he was in a bad mood for the whole day and waited for my mom to come back home because he planned to use her as an emotional punching bag (I believe what I said about <Meal A> having more meat is an analytical information and the intent is easily comprehensible, is it not? Am I wrong?). A meal is never delicious when I'm experiencing negative emotions such as anger or sadness, that have been internally experienced many times, but I still have to eat and finish the meal, otherwise, my dad will get more angry. I still remember which areas he smack me at, the most is the back of my neck, I keep feeling the urge to tear off the skin of that place to remove the emotional 'mark'. I don't even trust his praises anymore because one time on a day which I still remember clearly, I helped to give him a drink, the amount is a half cup of water, I wasn't certain if the measure of the half cup of water I gave is correct or not, but he did a hum of approval and said "Good" when he saw the contents of the cup, so I ingrained that moment in my mind in order to remember that same amount to be correct and not be scolded for forgetting. But three days after, when I did the same amount, he scolded, angrily remarking and whining that "It's little" and then I argued back, saying that this is the amount I remembered that he said was good to which he answered "Ah, maybe I said that to save your face!" (to clarify it means that "He maybe did not want me feel shame at that time"), this made me feel resentful and anger due to feeling that my attempt to remember what was 'correct' from his seemingly approval was a lie, but at same time worthless especially when I heard him whispering "stupid" and when he said "I've learned something. I don't need your help anymore. I do it myself because you're stupid." My Dad's Talk: Around 2 nights ago, he was talking about how a <specific nation> is superior, being smarter and hard-working than others which holds truth because that nation have commendable achievements. (For confidential reasons, I won't reveal what is that specific nation, but I'll highlight it as <specific nation>). I am a half-blood of a nation from my mom's blood which what he calls a <stupid, 3rd-level nation> and <specific nation> from my dad's blood. But the traits of the <stupid, 3rd-level nation> is more dominant in my personality. After he finished talking about the <specific nation>, he then talks about the future of the <stupid, 3rd-level nation>, how the people future will become barbarians due to the management and the corruption and that there's no future for it, calling the people to be useless with low IQ which made feel me depressed because I view that since I have the blood and traits, that he constantly points out, of the <stupid, 3rd-level nation>, I'll also be stupid and useless as well, I have no future nor will I achieve improvement especially with my clumsiness and the amount of mistakes I have. I simply sit and quietly listen to him, not doing anything else since to show I'm paying attention and don't want to be rude despite his topic affecting me negatively which is ironic since sometimes when I'M the one who talks about negative topics that I find interesting, he yelled at me to "SHUT UP!" which emotionally hurts me a lot. He gets to show his negative emotions as much as he wants while I'm not allowed to express my emotions at all like when I cry, he tells me "to stop crying, I don't like that." with no comfort such as hugs. My mom is more better in emotional support than him. "Failure is the mother of success" Is what I seen constantly online, what my father said once and it seems to be the truth. But how can I accept my mistakes with ease when my father's attitude towards my mistakes is like he's condemning me, making angry shouts and whines with that negative expression of his and calls me insults, saying swear words in his native language? I have a language exchange partner, and to me, I love how she tries to understand my psychology, my interests, being a listener and lets me talk what I feel like talking about which my dad lacks. The problem is that it's possible she may be a spy or a manipulator. Oh... But I wish I would have a genuine friend like that who isn't a manipulator... I feel scared, maybe anxious whenever my dad is in a very bad mood and if he's constantly irritated, and we stay together everyday 24/7. I feel it's the wrong time to leave him, and I think the best time to leave is after he passed away from old age which is still a long time. My mom goes to work everyday except her day offs, I'm not allowed to go out at all if my dad don't permit it. I always seemed to have something negative to say about my dad every month. I don't have much people to talk to online, most of my language exchange partners seems to like casual things and doesn't have the tolerance to handle my negative moments. Fortunately, I don't get triggered as much as I did compared to the time when my dad started to have physical balance issues, but I would go into an impulsive outburst from time to time, it's rare, but it's still possible.

Struggling with Siblings

by SweetSugarBoost

November 24th

...See more Quick backstory, I'm a college student and the oldest out of my siblings. My parents are more old-fashioned and don't do well with emotions. My dad works a 8-5 shift and my mom is a registered nurse that works night shifts. My two brothers has ADHD (18 - ADHD and 11 - ADD) and my sister is 12 (going through a heavy flow of emotions + hormones, since she's aging). With that, I have been just doing college and trying to help my parents with my siblings + keeping them on top of their school. As well as their things, I usually just tell my mom how things are going and more. I've recently been having a hard time working with my 12 year old sister and 18 year old brother. My sister has been lacking behind in her class, so I try to help her with her homework and add in bits of practice. I have no clue how to help her not do I want to assume that she may have ADHD. She is smart and can do thing, she just lacks motivation. If nothing is too her benefit nor liking, she won't do it properly or in general. I do try to help her manage her workload by dividing it and setting timers for her for breaks + when to work, since she's easily overwhelmed. Thing is that she won't focus in on it and wind up staying way later trying to do her own things. I try to tell her there are times to do that and times not, especially telling her to be open with me. My base plan isn't helping, but she doesn't quite want to tell me if she does or doesn't like certain parts of it. I wind up getting frustrated myself and telling her "Well, I don't know how to help if you don't tell me." This causes her to get very emotional and upset, then she winds up self-harming. The same about goes for my 18 year old brother. I know he gets overwhelmed easily and needs his own breaks, but he'll literally stay up in his room for about the whole day after I pick him up from school. He doesn't have the patience to help me either with my siblings and would get upset when they don't listen to him. His tone is especially rough and he gets easily frustrated. Then, he'd especially get mad when we remind him of his chores (everyone is assigned 1-3 to help with around the house). He is very prideful and stubborn himself in his ways, refusing to ask for help. Like I am literally the last option for emergencies if all of his plans don't work. He struggles with expressing his emotions as well and wind up self-harming, too. Recently, he was diagnosed with depression along with his ADHD. I'm just feeling stuck at this rate and it doesn't help when my parents aren't well with emotions with them. Both of my 12 year old sister and 18 year old brother has major beef with my dad. It's due to the way he is with messing around with them, shoving expectations on them that he can't meet himself (we all see it, but him), and making things seem simple when there's more to it. He's very stubborn in his ways and thinks everything he's doing is right and nothing wrong with it. Then, my mom is our breadwinner and at her wit's end herself. Always tired and planning, so I don't expect much from her. This whole thing has me frustrated and overwhelmed because I don't know how much more direct I need to be. Like I try to be open and help, but I don't know how to help when they genuinely don't say anything nor want to. It makes me feel like I'm asking for too much and can't even ask for anything. Like, I'm about ready to give up and say "Well, it's not my problem and I shouldn't care.", but I can't do that because they're my family and I'll be lying to myself. If I suggest family consulting, I know my dad for sure won't want it at all. What do I even do now? Where do I even start?

Reliving Traumatic past

by SOFFY9

November 17th

...See more IS THERE A WAY OUT? For the first time ever, I ended up speaking about my traumatic past to a friend a few days ago, (unplanned) which made me realized that in fact it's not a past, and I'm just trying to act cool. It still hurts and it's even more frustrating that I'm not out of it and I can't get out of it and it's never ending. I'm very very exhausted by the thought of that person, I don't wanna be her in sight, I want her away from my life. But I have no power to do this, I feel trapped in a hole. In fact, my whole life feels like a trap with this person in it. She literally raised me from the age of 12, (I'm currently 19) so how is it possible to be out of it, she's seen like my second mum. Being a last born, nobody took me for real and they never will, "she just lacks tolerance, just endure it" that's what they say, while I was slowly running insane and losing myself. Even tho there were signs, my family will rather blame things on me than think that my sister might be doing something wrong. My performances dropped, I quickly went from an excellent kid to an average kid my first few months living with her. I became the kid that doesn't like to eat, even tho my sister is capable of feeding me whatever I wish to eat. I lived everyday of my life, 2017-2021, in constant fear of the person I lived with which is my big sis (firstborn) it was as if i didn't exist before then, those 4 years feels like my whole life span, I'm still living there. I have no memory of who I was before 12. She scares the life out of me. I had to endure everyday telling myself that I'll be fine once I'm out of that place and I did enter university but that doesn't cut it. I thought that would be the end, but here I am again. Moreso, she's just a call away. I'm the girl that hates closing hours during secondary school cos I don't wanna be home, I'm the girl that hates Fridays because we don't go to school on weekends and I'll always be the first one to agreed to a weekend lesson whenever a teacher suggested it. And even now, I don't wanna be home during semester breaks, I'll be resuming my 4th year next month and my course is 5 years, the thought of graduating is beautiful but also saddening. I'll no longer have my space and I'll have to go back home. I'm just a last born, a soft girl apparently, so I can't even make the decision of not going back home after graduation. Is there anything I can do? To relieve my chest? Is there anything I can do to relieve myself from this nightmare of a person? I didn't have anyone to tend to me as much as I craved growing up, several times I wished someone asked me if I was okay and tried to get me out of that place but no one did and no one will. Everything my sis has ever done for me only burdens my soul. I'm never truly excited by the thing she has done for me, I just put on that face to make her feel appreciated. I rather feel frustrated and guilty to have her take care of my needs. What could I have done?. Nobody knows how uncomfortable it is being around her, how terrifying is her voice and how sharp her words is. I'm overwhelmed by the thought of her yet again, cos we started to seem close, and that is because we recently had an issue which kept us out of contact with each other, tho those periods were very peaceful for me but my family won't watch that go on. Out of sight, out of mind right? I'm terribly stucked in a life that I don't wanna live. The only place I am myself and free is my self-contained room(hostel). I considered myself very brave cos I still go home during semester breaks, tho I always rush back to school, lying that we resumed already. Even tho the most I've spent during those breaks is just 3 weeks, it usually feels like forever. I have to be mentally, thoroughly and physically prepared when going home cos I know it's never going to be nice. To spoil it all, this person is still the same, she's one who doesn't care about what she says to me. She speaks whatever she wants and say it however she wants. She is the older one(34y.o) ofc my feelings won't matter, once I'm physically well. I'm from that kind of family. I wanted to disappear many times but I'm not capable of doing that, I can't even financially be responsible for myself. It doesn't matter how many times she hurt me whether in the past, in the present or future, I dare not say a word or feel a thing cos I shouldn't have existed.

Self care for the caregiver

by delightfulUnicorn38

November 15th

The Importance of Family

by delightfulUnicorn38

November 12th

Empowering Caregivers

by PeaceLoveandPaws

November 11th

...See more While caring for a loved one can be very rewarding, it also involves many stressors. And since caregiving is often a long-term challenge, the emotional impact can snowball over time. If the stress of caregiving is left unchecked, it can take a toll on your health, relationships, and state of mind—eventually leading to burnout, a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. That’s why taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Feeling powerless is the number one contributor to burnout and depression. And it’s an easy trap to fall into as a caregiver. But no matter the situation, you aren’t powerless. This is especially true when it comes to your state of mind. You can’t always get the extra time, money, or physical assistance you’d like, but you can always get more happiness and hope through empowerment. * Practice acceptance. When faced with the unfairness of a loved one’s illness or the burden of caregiving, there’s often a need to make sense of the situation and ask “Why?” But you can spend a tremendous amount of energy dwelling on things you can’t change and for which there are no clear answers. * Focus on the things you can control. You can’t wish for more hours in the day or force your brother to help out more. Rather than stressing out over things you can’t control, focus on how you choose to react to problems. * Celebrate the small victories. If you start to feel discouraged, remind yourself that all your efforts matter. You don’t have to cure your loved one’s illness to make a difference. Don’t underestimate the importance of making your loved one feel more safe, comfortable, and loved! *Applaud your own efforts. Find ways to acknowledge and reward yourself. Remind yourself of how much you are helping. If you need something more concrete, try making a list of all the ways your caregiving is making a difference. (Source: Caregiver Stress and Burnout - HelpGuide.org: www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/caregiver-stress-and-burnout.htm#:~:text=%20Avoid%20caregiver%20burnout%20by%20feeling%20empowered%20,to%20feel%20discouraged%2C%20remind%20yourself%20that...%20More%20 [http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/caregiver-stress-and-burnout.htm#:~:text=%20Avoid%20caregiver%20burnout%20by%20feeling%20empowered%20,to%20feel%20discouraged%2C%20remind%20yourself%20that...%20More%20]) What are some signs of caregiver burnout? What small victory have you acomplished today? Please share your story! Why might acceptance be helpful in a caregiver's journey? Don’t forget to join the Family and Caregivers community taglist to join in the fun and games. Click HERE [https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilyCaregiverSupport_191/WelcomesIntroductionsIcebreakersGames_310/NewTaglistFamilyCaregiversSubCommunity_229656/] Learn about opportunities to join our leadership team and check out our help-wanted post H [https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilyCaregiverSupport_191/FamilyandCaregiversLeadershipTeam_1735/HelpWantedforFamilyCaregivers_228061]ERE [https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilyCaregiverSupport_191/FamilyandCaregiversLeadershipTeam_1735/HelpWantedforFamilyCaregivers_228061/]

Update on Family Conflict

by wandamx26

November 10th

Feeling low

by yeshu

November 10th

Community /

Family & Caregivers

Ask questions, get support and make friends

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Considering Therapy?

@cc415

@DamikaDisorder

@DepressedAnimooTrash

@Sweetp44

@turquoiseThinker9871

@nerdygirl22

@sweetpeagot1924

@lucy2

@determinedHuman6138

@willingField2786

@Hoyinlola724

@NiceThinker

@Aashita10

@cbd4921

@sakuno11

@MarinaLexi

@lulufay

@betrue21self

@carefulCherry784

@peacefulSunrise8888

Community Guidelines

Community Leaders

Community Mentor / Teen Community Star

Community Resources

Don’t miss a message!

The 7 Cups app is available on iOS and Android