Thoughtful Thursday: Loneliness

What is loneliness

Loneliness is when we are receiving less connection with others than what we want to receive.

• Loneliness is not the same thing as being alone. It is possible to be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. It is possible to be alone and not feel lonely.

• Loneliness is related to the quality of relationships. It is possible to have many relationships but still feel lonely if those connections don’t feel meaningful, authentic, or like you are able to confide your feelings in those people.

• Loneliness is painful. Research has shown that it activates the same parts of the brain as when we experience physical pain.

• Loneliness has health effects. People who are lonely experience similar effects as people suffering from other types of stress. They have increased levels of the stress hormones cortisol and epinephrine, which can lead to less restful sleep, high blood pressure, inflammation, and weakened immunity.

• Loneliness can create a feedback loop. People who are chronically lonely tend to be more vigilant to the risk of being rejected by others, more likely to expect social interactions to be unfulfilling, more likely to notice negative signals in relationships, and more likely to interpret neutral signals in relationships as being negative.

Loneliness and personality disorders

People with personality disorders are more likely to experience loneliness for a few reasons:

• People with personality disorders may have a unique perspective on the world that leads to feelings of isolation
• People with personality disorders may be more likely to respond to others in ways that unintentionally push others away
• People with personality disorders may have difficulty with intimacy in relationships (i.e. vulnerability, openness, and sharing)

Tips for loneliness

Here are some ideas for increasing connections with others:

• Try talking with a nearby stranger in a public space, even if it's only for 30 seconds
• Allow some time for conversations to unfold and evolve before deciding they aren't worthwhile.
• Try to schedule face-to-face interactions with friends and family.
• If in-person interactions with people aren't possible, video calls or phone calls can help maintain a sense of connection.
• If using social media, try to focus on meaningful personal connections with smaller groups of people
• Spend time with neighbors
• Invite other people to eat together
• Participate in expressive or creative activities with others (e.g. music, arts and crafts, dancing, etc.)
• Talk about feelings of loneliness with other people
• Physical touch can reduce feelings of loneliness (e.g. hugging, holding hands, etc.)

Here are some ideas for self-care things you can do if you aren’t able to connect with someone else:

• Wrap yourself in a blanket
• Distract with an activity you enjoy (e.g. watching a TV show you like)
• Write your feelings down
• Listen to music you enjoy
• Write a comforting letter to the part of yourself that is feeling lonely
• Cuddle a pet or something else soft

Questions

1) Is loneliness something you experience frequently?

2) What do you find helpful when you’re feeling lonely?

Sources:

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-deal-with-loneliness

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/loneliness

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201803/cure-disconnection

https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2020/06/how-loneliness-manifests-in-personality-disorders

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/intimacy

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/self-care-for-bpd/