Do I need reparenting?

Unfortunately many people suffer from the lack of parental support in childhood which can lead to increased levels of depressive symptoms and chronic health conditions in adulthood. Poor parenting can be due to mental illness, addiction, trauma or even having themselves not being well parented when young. This does not mean that people have to suffer from the symptoms of lack of good parenting for the rest of our lives. Now that we are adults we have resources that were not accessible to us when young and we can reparent ourselves to replace some of those inner parenting voices that might not be helpful.

One of the most important aspects of reparenting is emotional self-regulation

If a child is upset and cries, good parents come to calm the child with a soft voice to acknowledge their distress and gentle strokes. Other times, when the child needs to be encouraged, the parent’s voice might be higher in volume and more uplifting.

Some of the keys of good parenting is to make the child feel validated, loved and safe while still teaching the child what they need to learn.

How does this refer to us?

Reparenting is giving your adult self what you did not get from your parents in childhood. Here are some points to consider:

1. You are allowed to have needs and to express them in a reasonable way! It is okay to make them a priority if required without feeling any shame or guilt.

2. You are worthy of self-care and self-love and it’s okay not to put others constantly first even particularly when you need a break.

You have every right to give yourself the love and attention you missed out on!

3. Negative emotions can become stronger when you are trying to push them away. It might lead to frustration with yourself or even anger. Validating all your emotions and using soothing techniques, thought reframing or other techniques can be very helpful.

Being able to be kind, patient, and compassionate with yourself when you’re struggling with something is crucial to be able to move forward.

4. Good parents coach their children and energise them when they see that the child is feeling low. Positive affirmations, music or whatever helps you to recharge when feeling lethargic can be great ways to uplift yourself.

5. Being overly harsh and overly critical of yourself when you make mistakes adds to suffering. Forgiveness and acceptance that a mistake has been made is more motivating and encouraging to learn from the past.

6. Establishing healthy boundaries by setting limits and drawing the line between what you are and aren’t okay with and determining the consequences for those boundaries are violated is important. It also means determining the consequences for when the boundaries are violated.

Do you feel that your inner child needs reparenting?

How do you keep your inner child content?

Shifting your relationship with yourself is about loving and taking care of yourself. It’s about reassuring yourself that your feelings and experiences matter, that you matter.

It’s about being able to explore and discover who you are and what brings you purpose and fulfilment in life.

The journey of healing is a back-and-forth process and you might feel frustrated and demotivated at times but do not let this stop you from healing. Just keep going and practice, practice, practice.

If you feel that you need more than self-reparenting please reach out for guided help.

7cups has online, certified therapists with a paid option. For more information click on link https://www.7cups.com/online-therapy/?ob=1

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