Challenging the negative thoughts
For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person and I am lovable". It does not matter how often people tell us how kind we are and how many compliments we get, the belief we are not worthy enough comes up frequently.
The thought of “not being a good person” often comes to mind when people do not feel well. Occasionally we can become snippy, self-indulgent, selfish, or even say hurtful things to others. Remember we also have our kind sides, where we help others and react in good ways.
But are there really good and bad people? Can we truthfully divide people into two categories? Or are there only people with different challenges they are going through and are suffering with and basically they want to be happy just like us?
Good and Evil as Flexible
Most of us lie somewhere between the extremes of Gandhi and Hitler on the spectrum of human behavior. Sometimes we may behave badly, when egocentric impulses cause us to put our needs before the welfare of others. Sometimes we behave in a saintly fashion, when empathy and compassion impel us to put the needs of others before our own, resulting in altruism and kindness.
Excerpt from The Real Meaning of 'Good' and 'Evil'
How can you see you’re okay right now, just like everyone else you put in that category? Here are some helpful tips.
Recognize the good things you do in your life, whether it is helping a neighbor, greeting someone you meet out walking, or helping an elderly person cross the street. Become aware of your good thoughts, when you feel compassion towards others rather than reacting impulsively with anger.
See the goodness in others. Recognizing their goodness will help you feel your own. Pay attention to acts of kindness, even the smallest ones. Find something good to say about people that you are not even very fond of.
Journal about the good things you did during the day. Writing down your acts of kindness can help to keep kindness on your radar and incorporate more of it into our lives. It can also help us remember to extend more kindness to ourselves.
Acting with good intentions, confronting our own biases and sticking to our values, are also signs that we’re a good person.
Every person overreacts occasionally. It does not mean you have become a bad person, but you might have reacted in a bad way and can apologize for it.
If you keep a positive attitude about yourself, you will feel more good and optimistic in life.
What is something you admire in another person that makes you think they are a good person?
What is something in life you did that made you feel good about yourself?
Self Care Tip: For some of us the thought “I am not a good person” is a regular thought which is deeply present in the mind. Feeling bad about ourselves all the time can lead to serious life challenges or make mental illness worse. Please reach out for help or support if you have negative thoughts about yourself every day to the point where it disrupts your life.
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@amiablePeace77
What is something you admire in another person that makes you think they are a good person? When someone perseveres even when they are not 100% and they are always there then I really admire that kind of person and have a lot of respect for them.
What is something in life you did that made you feel good about yourself? joining 7cups helped me to learn to listen, respond appropriately and generally to be a more social person. Thank you to all the people in 7cups that make this site possible.
@amiablePeace77 something I’ve seen that makes me think they’re a good person (my husband) is his willingness to help people out, even when he may not even like them that much. He’ll help family and complete strangers. He doesn’t get anything out of it or complain. He just naturally has the inclination to help.
I can be similar at times, but some days I do end up feeling sad or something like if no one helps me in return. I don’t like this characteristic in myself.
A good characteristic I have is putting aside my problems in the moment when someone else needs to talk.
@EmbracingChaos you are fortunate to have a husband that treats people equally and with compassion. That is truly wonderful.
I think we all have that potential which can be developed.
I wish I was more helpful to others. I do try but if they are not nice I really have a hard time helping them or if I feel I am being taken advantage of. I wish I was more selfless.
@friendlyCat50
I believe it is normal for many people that they rather help someone who is nice and I also believe it is okay to set good boundaries if others want to take advantage of you. To me this is not about not being selfless but protecting yourself. It is nice to show understanding when someone is in a bad mood because they are going through a lot but it does not mean that one should drop all boundaries.
@amiablePeace77
I admire people who accept others without looking for something in return. Doing for others just out of compassion. Or when people are nice when they have nothing to gain from it.
I do feel that we have to set boundaries as to not get burned out.
@amiablePeace77
those are all really good ideas!
It's so hard to say nice things about myself and mean them, and it's so easy to criticize. Taking little steps to fix that.
@affableStrings4654 I agree the inner critic is very convincing and it has had credibility since my parents reinforced that the way they corrected me sometimes. Society can be harsh also.
But when I start refuting what the inner critic says and stating things in different terms, like I am doing the best I can, that is all anyone can do.
wow! this really opened my eyes on so many things
@helloWatermelon1416 glad to hear that. Hope you find it helps you on your growth path as well.
@amiablePeace77
What is something you admire in another person that makes you think they are a good person?
I think what I admire in another person is how kind they are, and how selfless they are, even when someone wronged them they dont turn to negativity and forgive them and just.. lets go.
What is something in life you did that made you feel good about yourself?
I help a lot of people and I listen to people when they speak, I think honesty is also very important when they ask you a question or an advice, and I can emphasize really will with another person even when they share different world views
What is something you admire in another person that makes you think they are a good porson?
Going out of their way to assist others even at cost to themselves.
What is something in life you did that made you feel good about yourself?
Cleaning or cooking for anyone greatful for me to do so.