I Messages

Verbal communication has always been a problem for me.

First of all, I come from a family of non-verbal men. The proverbial story in my family is about my dad who joined the Navy during World War II. After being away for three years he returned home to find his father sitting in the parlor reading a book. His father looked up and said, "Oh, you're home. Grab a book and sit down, your mother will be home soon."

Also, I grew up with a speech impediment and kids would often make fun of me. So I learned not to say anything. Plus being the youngest of four children in the family, it seemed like I was meant to be "seen and not heard."

Lately I have been trying to be more communicative by using I messages which take the form of I feel ___ when ____because ____. The feel part is hard for me because usually what I feel is anger, which is a secondary emotion. It's the primary emotion which causes the anger that is hard to identify in the heat of the moment. I have been analyzing afterwards and thinking of what I could have said. I have the intention to use I messages in more positive circumstances, but have not actually done so as of yet.

Any one with experiences with I messages? Any suggestions?

Thanks!