No one ever told me parenting an adult was as hard if not harder than parenting a child.
As a mom of three, I've spent years mastering the skill of persuasion. From coaxing tiny humans into shoes to wrangling teenagers through chores, I've honed my skills at gentle nudging. But lately, the stakes have gotten higher. My youngest, living with schizoaffective disorder, faces the challenges of navigating adulthood and managing his mental health.
Today was a whirlwind. Working as a dishwasher at a small restaurant where my friend also works, he called in a panic, convinced his colleagues were burning pots as part of a larger conspiracy against him. My parental instinct screamed, "Logic! Reason!" But I know better than to challenge a delusion head-on. So, I took a different approach.
Instead of facts and figures, I offered empathy. I acknowledged his fear, validated his feelings, and focused on practical solutions. We talked about proper resignation protocols, the importance of financial stability, and the value of his supportive work environment. I truly believed my "brilliant knowledge" would sway him, but as all parents know, our children will take their own paths, even if they deviate from ours.
An hour later, he called from the In-N-Out drive-through. The job was a distant memory, replaced by the comforting normalcy of a shared craving. It's a bittersweet victory. I still believe he should have stayed and that a mental health break could have waited. But at the end of the day, he's his own person, navigating the complexities of life.
This is just one chapter in the ongoing saga of motherhood. It's a story filled with love, frustration, and the ever-present hope that our guidance, even when ignored, will somehow reach them. And who knows, maybe that In-N-Out burger is the bridge I needed to build. Tomorrow, the challenge will be different.
@serenePeace3726
it is very hard when we want to tell a grown child .... "what are you doing?" they sort of want some guidance BUT they also do not want it....
i just woke up with stress as my youngest has made some poor choices and instead of stop digging a hole and review things then act ...........it sounds like he is doubling down on bad plans ... i need to take a step back but we just feel like we can help.
@serenePeace3726 So your son quit his job?
@slowdecline48 yes, unfortunately. But there is a small chance he can get it back once his mental health is in a better place.
@serenePeace3726 Then it is what it is.
If you want to retain (or perhaps regain) that "serene peace", remember that now that your son is an adult, you can only do so much for him. He is not a minor, so you can't control him as you could when he was little. If he suddenly decides to travel across the country one day & he is 21+ years old--as I assume is the case--then you gotta let him go. You brought him into this world & raised him, so you did your part.
Oh my goodness, that does sound very challenging.
Yes, it can be soooo hard to let go of the instant-go-to-parental-instinct and take a step back, especially when your kid is really struggling with something.