Understanding myself
I feel that I have never understood myself. I am unpredictable with emotions, behavior, and actions. Goal setting is such a challenge for me that I have to call it survival. I hope to one day achieve whole self harmony. Anyone else have a vision and passion for this unity to blossom within?
Journaling helped me a lot with the same issues. Instead of goal setting I would track my accomplishments. This helped me build security and confidence within myself. I showed myself I could accomplish small and hard things. It wasn't about a goal and that took so much pressure off myself to preform.
I honestly don’t know if this will help, but I started investigating mindfulness meditation. One of the things I learned, and this is my interpretation only, is that our mind is like a random thought generator. Try to sit quietly for 5 minutes and think of nothing. Within 20 seconds you’ll probably have some thought. Keep trying to clear your mind each time that happens for that full five minutes. The point of this exercise is to notice that our internal environment changes constantly. Our thoughts and emotions are like the weather. The weather of our planet is somewhat predictable, but not 100 percent. Our internal “weather” is also only partly predictable. My suggestion is that maybe you expect more predictive power over your thoughts, emotions and behavior, but that perhaps understanding how your system changes and reacts on the micro level (e.g. through something like mindfulness meditation) might help. We humans have a natural tendency to expect things to be solid and unchanging. But change is constant and it can help to see change in all things big and small. Exploring this might provide acceptance of your changing nature. Perhaps. I can only say that it helps me. There have been some interesting scientific studies of how we behave and then unconsciously produce an explanation of the behavior after the fact. It points to the fact that we have sort of an “illusion” about our mental/behavioral consistency. Some folks even posit that we have no free will at all, but I think that is a little too extreme. My take is that we do have free will, and we can manifest feelings and behavior that is more “congruent” with who we wish to be. Exploring some ideas and practices from mindfulness meditation might help you understand yourself a bit better.
All the best
@helpfulAvacado7912, wow I had to read and re-read all your info. Nonetheless, I found it very interesting. I have not tried mindfulness meditation. The five minutes of no thoughts would be a constant fight for me, but I plan on trying it! It makes sense about the "illusion" of our mental/behavioral consistency. I thought that prior to you wording it so clear for me. I also agree with you about freewill. It's my only hope to develop a more balanced me. Thank you very much for all your info. It's appreciated.
@helpfulAvocado7912
Thank you for sharing these helpful views with us. I totally agree that we as humans are hardwired not to resist change but mindfulness can help to make our minds more flexible so that we can think in a more open way.
@glowofthelight i feel the same thing i just live life althou sometimes its a bit depressing . u will get there darling.
Thank you @politeBeach5257, you your kindness and love shined upon me today! Thank you again!
@glowofthelight I feel like I'm the one who wrote this. Same here... Just like you I'm quick with losing touch nothing exciting me for too long, I'm even drifting away from people and not I don't feel lonely but still I find it difficult to get things done. I lose interest but I feel like I'm on a spiritual quest I spend time in the bushes and music is really shaping me, I want to connect with nature, I want to see omens I want the universe to talk to me, I want to easily tap into myself, my spirit I want people to get along. I understand it might not happen overnight but I pray everyone be alright ,find themselves 💜
@Swanepoel, I read your post with a smile across my face. Especially when you mentioned, "I want the universe to talk to me"...oh man did you get the empath in me. I stand still in the dark and see the moon, it's as if I had a conversation with a higher power that connected me to the moon in the first place. The words of the universe are all around us and sometimes their intent isn't to be heard but to be felt. I too seek spiritually it's part of my nourishment. I also pray for the unity and peace I know someday we will see. 💖
I am working on the same