health of partner
my partner has always been strong and ok.......... seldom did anything slow him down he had one health incident and now acts like he cannot do anything......
I do not want to appear uncaring or such but at a certain point this pity party has to end. he can either do something or what he is waiting to die sitting on the couch.
he had a checkup yesterday Dr also had him do several tests etc before the actual dr appointment........ when I asked him about his test / visit he was vague and said nothing yet i am guessing by his reaction i should have been freaking out or fawning all over him to get information.... i am tired of this slow walk any information / he does not want me to attend visits with him which is normal for couples if the diagnosis is serious etc.... so i was like "ok" to anything he said ...... he said surgery might be an option just said fine tell me when i will drop you off and pick you up from hospital ........
NOT trying to escalate anything but seriously if he is unwilling to share any info the do not expect me to do cartwheels and back flips to try to get him to let me in on any information.
@toughTiger6481
Sounds like a challenge.
From your partner's perspective, whether he shows it or not, I'm guessing he might feel scared, or in denial, or just totally preoccupied with whatever it might be. People who are used to always being independent and taking care of themselves have a really hard time trying to figure out how to lean on someone else. And if he's in some stage or denial, he may simply not want to talk about it because it stresses him out.
That, of course, isn't helpful for you. You would like him to communicate clearly and effectively.
Maybe the best you can do is what you're already doing - offer to be there as a supportive partner when he's willing to ask for help or share information. In the meantime, just be prepared to keep taking care of yourself.
I think I would also find that situation extremely frustrating.
When my partner gets gloomy or has personal issues, he says "I don't want to talk about it" and then he just waits for "it" to go away or he waits until he feels like talking about "it" which may be days, weeks, or even months later. I've learned that the only thing I can do is say "I'm here if you need me" and then try not to get too flustered about it all. Ugh!
Please keep us posted how things progress, especially if you find any tricks that work to help open up communication in tense situations like this.
need tips or tricks not to be baited or fall into the trap of getting mad or upset all over again
Spouse simply cannot fit ALL item that need to be in a refrigerator on the TOP shelf as he does not bend over to see what is on other shelves. he refuses to acknowledge his weight either. i just threw out something he set in there a while ago and pushed back ..... it is frustrating ....
I listened to several "experts" on diet changes that may help him ................he plays he is "on board" yet does not follow through..... i WILL not waste money to make all the changes to be the only person left to eat this way.... while he cheats with other foods not good for him ....
i have been ignoring him and doing my own thing and the minute i have something going on he must bother me again and again. with item he never wants to talk about UNLESS it is interrupting me. i have been looking at marriage counseling things on various platforms / podcast but they are NOT addressing what i am going through.... he will not go to a real therapist even online and not sure one sided it will help me at all .....
IF i have one more person tell me it is small items and i need to rise above i will smack them ...... even small things done over and over and over and over and over regardless of how many times they are addressed is just TOO much.
@toughTiger6481. Hi I can tell you some things that I do when I feel annoyed and want to scream at my partner. My partner is supposed to follow a diet but refuses to. I remind myself that he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. I remind myself that I don’t want to be his “mother”. When I feel like screaming at him I take a time out from him and go into another room and do some deep breathing for 5-10 minutes. Here is a video that I find helpful.
I'm not sure if this will help, but I can somewhat relate to your partner's situation. When I was 14, I was diagnosed with a serious illness that required immediate surgery to regain my health. However, the surgery was delayed, causing immense suffering (physically and psychologically). Besides dealing with my own anxiety about my health, blood tests, and doc appointments, I saw how much my family also suffered alongside me. After my surgery, I chose to attend my doctor's appointments alone and didn't immediately share troubling news with them. Eventually, I opened up but it took time.
I understand how you must feel as a partner, not knowing what's happening with him. I would feel the same way. Who doesn't want to support their partner during difficult times, reassuring them that you'll be there no matter what, and facing challenges together. Dealing with a diagnosis can be incredibly stressful and anxiety-inducing. Additionally, as GoingInCircles mentioned, the idea of depending on others (even family), can be frightening. Give him time, and I'm confident he'll become more comfortable sharing everything with you.
@Harish
YOU have made good points to save your loved ones stress etc ... it would be nice if this was his issue. i could relate and understand.
He had a very serious issue when he was a child (was a long time ago) and they did experimental surgery when he was a child........
he knew from birth his heart may not work well forever....so this recent thing should NOT be news or a shock ...........if anything the DR's are amazed he lived this long considering......
I am not his mother and do not want to be ..............but if he is going to play out of breath and too tired for anything around the house but he is doing a full time stressful job ...... then i see him do a bunch for someone else.................... i feel used and that he is full of BS ...... when you have a serious heart issue he should drop some weight BUT ........when i asked if he spoke to his Doctor about diet and what sort of exercise or such he is allowed or recommended to do ....................................he says he never asked then when i suggest a lite walk or something he is "i Can NOT do that " .... how does he know if he never asked .............cause he is a LIAR.
@toughTiger6481
I completely understand, and your feelings are entirely valid. Being unable to do certain things is one matter, while having the capability for someone or something else is another. The complexity deepens when it involves critical organs such as the heart, kidneys, and liver. One thing I am quite certain of is that your husband may not be truthful about his weight, diet, or exercise routine.
