Scared Again

My fiance is dying of cancer, and I am terrified of losing him. I have this overwhelming sense of doom that he will not make it to his first oncology dr. appt. on Monday, or if he does, the prognosis will be the worst. I am a widow after a volatile, abusive marriage, and he brought me love and happiness again. I don't want to face the future without him. Being widowed was bad enough, and this time will be so much worse because he makes me happy.

On top of this, one month ago I lost my only sister to COVID complications. We only had each other, and now I am the only one left. I am still angry that her adult son and grandson did not take precautions and brought COVID into her home, knowing that her health was already compromised. They just didn't care.

This fall sure sucks, and it will only get much worse when my George dies. I will be alone again, and I am not interested in dating. I wanted to marry George, the love of my life. The worry is suffocating.